


All the King's Horses

by OnyxSoul



Series: Kings and Queens [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: A few sexual encounters, Abuse in general, Bad Flirting, Bad Puns, Bad family, Dogs, Drowning, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, M/M, Many different types of abuse, Mental Abuse, Mental Illnesses (Depression), Multi, Nightmares, Online Friends, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Siblings, Verbal Abuse, Weird dreams, bad feelings in general, bad memories, canines, disturbing dreams/nightmares, extreme panic attacks, fight or flight response, friends - Freeform, love interest maybe, many-many mistakes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-10-08 14:53:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17388470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnyxSoul/pseuds/OnyxSoul
Summary: Elliott Shaw wasn't ever normal. Why would this be different? A new move, sent away because she was a disappointment. Her mother couldn't take her so her father sent her across seas to her grandmother in a town near the sea of Japan. Maybe her dark past will be put at rest for once. She doesn't believe that is possible. She believes she is meant to always be broken, used, abused, then thrown away when not needed anymore.But then why is her grandmother's neighbor so nice to her? Why is he trying so hard to help her make friends? He seemed to nice and she doesn't know what to do anymore. Just trying to stay in touch with her American friends, she tried to figure out her own feelings without mudding them with everything else going on in her head.





	1. First Day of School

**Author's Note:**

> A/N IMPORTANT: This is meant to be a therapy type of thing. I have been through a lot of trauma in my life and I need a way to express it, to see it wasn’t my fault. My counselor suggests placing one of the darling characters that I just adore into similar or same situations I have gone through. Upon seeing/reading it happen to them, then maybe I wouldn’t hate myself so much and “know it wasn’t your fault” and there was “nothing you could have done” to fix the situation. I can’t put any official characters into the same shoes as me, but I can use one of my favorite OCs to write. So I am. Warning, this has a lot of triggers. MAINLY ABUSE OF ALL KINDS.

**I knock the ice from my bones**

**Try not to feel the cold**

* * *

 

_ “I can’t stand her, why must she be here?”  _ __   
__   
__ “Don’t worry, she will go away after a while…-”    
  
Send her away more like it…

 

Sitting outside of an airport, a young woman with sandy brown hair pulled her sleeves down more. Red highlights seemed to catch the sun that was coming down, a small flip phone in her hand that was opening and closing with a flip of her thumb. Hazel eyes that looked more Amber than anything glared down at the darkened screen before flipping it close again. 

 

“Elliott?” A voice caught the young woman’s attention. Her head nodded, standing to hold the two bags she has. One across her back and the other in her hand. The woman who called her name was a slender, but pretty, dark-haired woman. Her eyes were behind frameless glasses that made her look down at her like she was a bug in front of her. “I am Kiwa, you probably don’t remember me.” The woman hummed. “I’m your mother’s sister.” She bowed slightly to the younger. “Welcome to Japan.”    
  


“Thank you, Aunt Kiwa… Or would you prefer for me to call you Kiwa oba-san?” Elliott asked, not used using the Japanese honorifics. 

 

The hazel, amber-like, eyes of the woman before her sparkled with amusement, a small smile on her lips. “Whichever you are more comfortable with,” Kiwa answered, looking to the car that was waiting for them. “Come along, we have a long drive.” 

 

Getting into the car, Elliott looked out of it. Her hand went back to her sleeve-tugging it down more. A nervous habit that she couldn’t break easily. The bruises on her wrists, with rubber bands around them, that she was mostly ignoring. “Have anyone contacted about me yet?” Elliott asks, hopefully. It was fleeting hope. 

 

“Not that I know of.” Which made a weight land on Elliott’s chest. Eyes casting out the window. Her eyes wouldn’t move from the pavement of the roads they drove on. Soon enough they were leaving Hagi-Iwami Airport heading to the direction of the sea. Driving so close but so far away from it. “You will have to speak Japanese when you are around town. I don’t know how haha would be with you speaking English in her home.” The woman explained, watching the road from the front passenger seat. 

 

Elliott didn’t care who the man that was driving was. She just wanted everything to stop. She barely even look into his direction. 

 

They eventually got to a town that seemed to be plenty of big, but not as big as the one they had just left. She thinks it is a good size anyway. Not really watching where they were going but random things did pop out to her. Certain ways were steps, not streets, which was strange, other were stores or certain buildings. It was massively ocean themed, which fit for how it was a seaside town. , 

 

When the car stopped, she pulled her bags out of the seat with her. The woman she was with then walked her down a long flight of stairs. Passing by more houses before she saw one that was down another flight of stairs to the left. “This is it,” Kiwa claimed, opening the door. “Okaa-san!” Kiwa called out, Elliott just followed after the woman looking around the entrance of the home. “Shoes off at the door please, I know your father never enforced that in America.” Kiwa reminded her.    
  
Sliding her shoes off Elliott picked her stuff up again and followed her aunt. “What should I call her?” Elliott wondered, never really knowing this grandmother. Her elder sister was raised by this one, but she was not. Only bits she knows about her is from the scattered memory of the two years of… 

 

“The proper term Obaa-san, and when talking to other people about her it is sobo,” Kiwa answered, frown tugging at her lips. “How well is your Japanese? If you explain that you don’t understand honorifics well I am sure they will loosen up on you about using them, just remember that using certain honorifics could be insulting and not using them is very intimate. You should only be extremely close to someone to drop the honorifics.” Kiwa explained, knowing this young woman didn’t stand a chance against proper etiquettes.

 

“It’s a lot different to America,” Elliott mumbled, gripping her jacket sleeve tightly.    
  
The woman that was in the doorway of the kitchen was watching them carefully. “Okaa-san, I am sorry to drop by just to leave, but I have to go home and take care of my children,” Kiwa spoke quickly in Japanese, giving her mother a bow before heading back to the front door. 

 

“Obaa-san.” Elliott greeted, giving her a bow. That was another thing greatly different to America. They would normally hug their relatives and hug anyone really they trust or like being around. Japanese don’t like being touch by others. Maybe it was just her family though. She isn’t really sure. 

 

The woman motioned to the stairs. “The upstairs area is for you. I have the downstairs room. The living room and kitchen to be taken care of greatly. Ask anything to do with our culture that you do not understand.” The silver-haired woman went through everything strictly. 

 

Elliott shook her head slowly. “I have no questions right now, but I am tired from the flight. May I rest?” She wondered, corner of her eyes went to the stairs and was hoping that there was a normal bed up there and not the floor futon that seemed to more popular as far as she knows. She didn’t have anything against them, just she wasn’t used to them at all. Always preferring a box spring and fluffy mattress than not. 

 

The woman dismissed her, allowing Elliott to leave without complaint. Gripping the rail tightly as she walked upstairs she had to let a shaky breath go. “Do not go into your sister's room!” The woman screamed in English startling Elliott to look down. The elder woman was already walking back into the kitchen. 

 

Once up the steps she saw the grand designs on one door and knew right away that was her sister's room. Walking to the room with no designs she noted how small it was. Placing the bags down next to the bed, she was pleased to know it was a western style. 

 

Eyes glancing around the bare room beside a few things that had been placed up there, she felt at lost. Falling into the mattress she just stared out the window next to it. The clouds were thin, almost like white smoke. Eyes drifted shut slowly as tears formed in her eyes. Oh, how she wished someone cared, anyone. 

 

For a flash moment, she felt like someone was in the room with her. Rolling over real fast and jerking up she looked around the nearly bared room to see no one was there. A groan left her lips before falling backward. A glance out the window showed it was late and she isn’t sure how long she has been asleep. No clock in the room yet, which would have been really helpful at the thought of it. 

 

Easing up, she reached for her phone that had fallen out of her pocket onto the floor. Flipping the screen up to see the backlight that temporary blinded her. A few blinks later, she saw she had one missed text message and it was two in the morning. 

 

Pushing her feet off of the bed, she checked the text, curious who would have texted her when they all… none of them… could anyone?

 

**Anth:** _ U r it _

 

A small smile crossed her lips at seeing that. Typing a quick message. “Morning from the future.” She mumbled typing. 

 

Getting up slowly, stretching till her back popped then eased down the stairs. Getting into the kitchen, she didn’t see any fruits or anything really. A glance around the room she started to look for anything to eat. Anything at all. 

 

Not really hungry, but knowing she had to eat something. Looking through the cabinets, then the fridge, she sighed before closing it. “Screw it.” She grumbled, walking back upstairs. Sitting on the bed, she couldn’t fall back asleep. Instead, she looked outside, waiting for the sun to come up. 

 

A ding noise from her phone and looking to it she smirked. Instead of a text, it was of a picture. A young man with extremely dark skin holding a big black dog in his lap. The white stripe going down the dog’s front made her tear up a little. “My baby…” She gushed, tears running down her cheeks. The next ding made a soft sob leave her lips. “I miss her too.” She gasped out, covering her mouth. “I hate I had to leave her. I wish I could bring her with.” The hot tears seemed to feel like it was burning her skin. All she wanted was to have the furry creature in her arms right then. 

 

Clamer after crying her eyes out, she sends a simple message back saying that it was still extremely early there, so she was going to sleep. The next message back was of a picture of the dog with another one, the second is pure black with sharp ears and tinier than the first. The next ding was the third picture this time three of them. The sharp-eared one, the old one that had floppy ears and the white streak down her chest, and finally another floppy eared dog that was pure black. All three of them were on the smaller side, but not tiny. 

 

That one she saved as her backdrop on her phone. Staring at the picture until the phone was almost dead, she plugged it in. Instead of looking at the small screen, she ended up looking out the window. Not able to sleep, she didn’t know what else to do. Slowly though, zoning out, her mind went into the dark crevices of it. 

 

Memories start to bubble up. Trying to focus on the happy ones, her brain though wanted to relive the bad ones. The picture of the young man holding her dog came to mind. His laughter and how he hugged her. It always made her feel safe… safe from the darkness that would gladly swallow her up a whole. 

 

Closing her eyes, she could feel the hot tears that went down her face again. This time from feeling the darkness that surrounded her. Pulling her legs up, arms went around them in a defenseless like state. She felt completely alone, with no protection. 

 

The light slowly started to drift through the window. She isn’t sure how long she has been like this. Eyes drifting up to look out the window, she sighed. A glance at her phone that was still charging and she noted it was a little before six. Falling back onto the mattress, she felt weak and alone. The warmth of safety gone, and she isn’t sure if it will ever come back again. 

 

Crawling out of the bed, she went to the bathroom to wash her face and get ready. Her aunt had already set everything up with the local high school for her to go there. They even got her uniform to wear, though the skirt made a gross feeling move over her skin. Stomach feels like it is about to give out to something nasty.    
  
Digging through one of her bags till she found a pair of shorts that she used to sleep in. Slipping them on under the skirt, she felt a little better at least. Going downstairs, she saw her grandmother sitting at the kitchen table. It was odd seeing a western style table there. She figured this woman would be very traditional. 

 

The smell of coffee seem to attack her senses, and shoulders went a little slump at that. Okay, maybe there is something that can calm her nerves. She wasn’t sure if she’d get that back or not, to be honest. 

 

Getting a mug down, she made herself a cup, adding honey and milk to dilute it. She didn’t need to be hyped up, only awake to deal with people. “Ohayō gozaimasu, Obaa-san.” She greeted, taking a sip of her coffee. 

 

“Konnichiwa.” She greeted back, sending the younger a slight glare. “Do you know your way to the school?” The question threw Elliott off. Head slowly shaking, the woman scoffed. “I will stop Makoto-kun to show you the way.” Her voice was soft at the mention of the person, but the harshness of it in her direction made Elliott sink back some. 

 

“Thank you, Obaa-san.” She bowed, finishing off her coffee she looked for anything to eat. “Do you have any fruits?” She wondered, not really want to deal with anything, but knew that she still had to go to school today. She was already a couple of weeks late. 

 

It was early May, she was supposed to be here before April to start her second year of high school. She took online classes the year before to be her first year of high school. Pulling her out of school because of what happened in the small high school that she went to… Gripping her arms she waited for the time to pass. 

 

When the woman that Elliott is hoping will warm up to her over time walked past, she watched. She could hear the woman talking to someone before she walked out. “Makoto-kun, this is my granddaughter Elliott.” The young man that stood before her looked kind… Elliott tried to not to assume he was, only because no one is truly kind. Everyone is selfish and greedy. They would stab anyone in the back to get above everyone else. 

 

Hazel-Amber eyes looked up to him, he was about a head taller than herself. His short olive brown hair hanged around his eyes and droopy green eyes looked to her with a warmth that she believed to be false. 

 

“Ohayō gozaimasu, Makoto-kun.” She bowed. He greeted her back with a bow himself. 

 

Walking along with him, she felt extremely awkward but he seemed to act like it was perfectly normal. “Your accent is strange,” Makoto stated, his warmth seemed to radiate off of him. It made Elliott feel more awkward and wish she had somewhere to hide. 

 

Instead of hiding, she put on the fake smile that she always uses, eyes closed because they will give away her true feelings. “I’m from Louisiana, the United States.” She explained.    
  
His eyes lit up and he started to ask a few questions. She barely paid him to mind answering a few though so she wouldn’t seem rude. It felt real, but she knew it had to be fake. No one was kind. 

 

Getting to a house that seemed to be abandoned almost. “Wait here, I’ll be right back,” Makoto stated, before walking into the house. 

 

Looking at the cloudless sky, she wondered what she was doing. About ten minutes pass before he came back outside and invited her in. Her stomach felt like it was going to give out, she followed him hesitantly. It was always a bad idea to follow someone into a house not knowing anything of it. 

 

The living room looked like a mess and seeing another young man that was about her height, maybe a little taller she’s not sure was walking around half naked. “Eh?” Her eyes shot to the taller man who looked a little annoyed. 

 

“Haru-chan, please get dress. We are going to be late.” Makoto stated, looking to Elliott from the corner of his eyes. “I’m sorry about him.” His voice was extremely soft which made Elliott look away. 

  
The darker haired boy walked away to another room. A few minutes later came out completely dressed. They headed to the door, the boys putting on their shoes first, then Elliott who was getting a glare from the darker haired boy. “Haru-chan, this is Stone-san’s granddaughter.” Makoto introduced. 

 

“Konnichiwa.” She bowed to Haru who kept sending her glares. 

 

“Yā.” He greeted back with a slight bow and then started to walk away. 

 

Another sigh and apology from Makoto before the two followed after the shorter male. Eventually, they got to an area that seemed to be a port. Looking out to where the ships would probably load up, and they were not far from the road. “How far is the school?” She wondered, enjoying the view though for a flashing moment the higher waves made her freeze. 

 

Memories of water floating above her head and burning in her lungs started to form. The voice of Makoto answering her question knocked her out of it. They were almost there. Though Haru likes to walk past the port. The view of the ocean puts Haru at ease… it does the opposite of Elliott. 

 

Looking away from the ocean coming in and drifting back out, she was a little jealous of the animals in it. The freedom they have, compared to her. She would always be trapped and always feel like she does now. At least that’s what she believes. 

 

Getting to a huge building, she froze for a moment. “Do you know where you were placed?” Makoto wondered, looking back to where Elliott was staring at the building before her. 

 

A soft gulp and she nodded her head. “I was given a schedule.” She answered, taking out a paper from her over the shoulder bag that she refuses to go anywhere without. 

 

Handing it to the taller boy, he gave a big smile. “You are in our class.” He stated, happily. 

 

“2-1, I thought that was a second-year class?” She stated, confused. 

 

The taller nodded his head. “We have a school system that is…-” He didn’t know how to state it. He finally decided on. “Our school tends to say we finished one grade at the end of April. How old are you?” He wondered. It also seemed like he didn’t know what to call her. 

  
“Elliott Shaw and I am seventeen.” She answered, looking away from him. 

 

The taller gave her a warm smile. “Well, I am sure they did it this way because of your age and also give you plenty of time to make sure you are caught up with us.” He informed, warmly. 

 

Slowly she nodded. Really she’d like it if she could just take time to relax some. Maybe this will be helpful. Also gives her plenty of time to get ready for the ‘real’ world, even if it was just another year. Oh, what she wouldn’t give to tell everyone the real world isn’t real at all. It was just a dream that someone made up. 

 

Heading into the building, the woman who greeted them was bubbly and friendly. Her brown hair was wavy and just above her shoulders. She also had brown eyes that seemed to be warm and friendly much like how Makoto puts on. “Ama-chan, this is our new student,” Makoto stated, before heading to his desk. 

 

The woman looked to her and gave her a warm smile that seemed to light up the room. It made a sharp pain in Elliott’s chest. She wanted to grip the rubber band on her wrist and keep popping it till the pain in her chest goes away. What did she do to deserve such pain? What did she deserved to have to face people who are just as bad as she is… just as guilty. 

 

“Welcome, you must be Shaw-chan, though may I ask how you pronounce your given name?” Ama-chan asked, looking at her role book. 

 

A deep breath, Elliott placed on the fake smile, with soft tugging at her sleeve. “Elliott, ma’am.” She slipped in her manners from America without even realizing it. The woman’s eyes seemed to light up. “My apologies, Ama-chan, I am trying not to slip into English, it’s harder than expected.” 

 

The older woman shook her head, waving a hand in front of her face as if that would wave the issue away. “It is fine. It has been a long time since I heard English that wasn’t from a show.” She admitted. “Sit at my desk till everyone is in. Then you can introduce yourself and take a seat by Makoto-kun.” She motioned to the one she walked in with. 

 

Waiting at the woman’s desk she was surprised by how fast everything was. She could feel her stomach turning again and chest hurting. Fingers slipped around the rubber band popping it while the room was noisy with people talking and coming in. A few minutes and they were all seated. Ama-chan motioned for them all to become quiet.    
  
Tugging her sleeve down, Elliott stood up and gave everyone a bow. “Kon- Konnichiwa, I am Shaw Elliott.” She greeted, before standing up. She heard the class greeted her back and then Ama-chan asked her a few questions but the fear that enter Elliott's eyes made her brush them off saying something along the lines of them running behind on work. 

 

Sitting in the empty seat next to Makoto, Elliott took out her empty notebook and a sketchbook that she has been doodling in. When done their work, they weren’t switching classes but the teacher’s switched classes. Feeling a soft tap on her shoulder, Elliott jumped and then looked behind her. 

 

Grey eyes met those of hazel-amber and smirk tugged at her lips. “Elliott-chan, I am Jin and this is Jiro, my cousin.” She introduced herself and the male that sat behind Makoto. 

 

“Oh, okay.” She stated, then gave the fake smile again. “Nice to meet you two.” 

 

The new teacher spoke up, making Elliott turned around and pay attention to the lesson. When the time came to PE she was annoyed as can be. Out of breath, she held onto her knees taking deeper ones, trying to slow down her heart rate. “You okay?” A voice came to her. 

 

Looking up she was met with hazy blue eyes that seemed to sparkle. “I will be.” She answered. “Just pushed myself too much.” She added, looking away from him. 

 

His dark brown hair was mop over his head and those hazy blue eyes looked almost silver but seemed to gain her attention anyway. “Jiro-kun, correct?” She asked, standing up straight. 

 

Nodding his head, he held his hand out and easily lead her to the side. There he took out a water bottle and handed to her. “Take a break, I am sure our sensei won’t mind.” he hummed, eyes seemed to go down her body. 

 

She felt naked with the tight shirt and shorts that looked more like panties on. The coach called them burumā which is apparently still used in this school. Much like anime and manga, she finds them to be sexist and very uncomfortable. 

 

Finally able to go back to the changing room. A few went to take showers, but a quick look in the mirror, she froze. Looking away she just grabbed her clothes and changed into one of the restroom stalls. Last what she needs is one of them notice the scars on her shoulders. Sure they were light and almost invisible, but they were still there. 

 

Finishing with the day she had slipped away. Jin had insisted that they had lunch together. Freezing for a moment about to leave, she glances around till she saw Makoto talking to a group of boys and two girls. Walking to them, he seemed to brighten up. “Oh, Elliott-chan,” He greeted with a warm smile that made her chest hurt again. 

 

She shifted, uncomfortable with the eyes of the ones she doesn’t know on her. “I’m sorry,” She mumbled before spinning around about to leave. 

 

She could hear one of the boys with them ask about her. She was to busy trying to get out of there as fast as she could. Refusing to look back. Maybe she won’t get lost. She hopes she doesn’t get lost. A groan left her as she just sped walk trying to escape the place. 

 

“Why did I do that?!” She screamed at herself, hitting her head. Reaching down she started to pluck the rubber band rather feeling that sting than letting her head go back to what she had just done. She had embarrassed herself. The tall boy had no interest in talking with her or walking with her back home since they live in a similar direction. “Such an embarrassment.” She grumbled, eyes then going to the ocean as she approaches it. It is pretty, she has to admit. Even if she could still remember the water above her head, making everything hard to see. The person who was holding her down not caring that she was screaming and the water entering her lungs. Filling them up making them burn, on fire. 

 

Starting to cough, her body shook violently.  _ All beautiful things are dangerous.  _ She decided before going back on her walk home. She thought she got lost but eventually finally was able to figure out which way she had to go. Going up to the front door, she kicked her shoes off and enter the home. 

 

Taking a deep breath she spoke out. “Obaa-san, I’m back.” She called, not wanting to startle the woman. 

 

Entering the house, she couldn’t get herself to the kitchen before she heard the woman. “You have a list of things you need to do. Also, start looking for a job, I am not going to support you.” The old woman stated, making the girl freeze. 

 

Bowing her head, Elliott couldn’t stop what she was about to say. “Of course, Obaa-san. I wouldn’t expect you to.” She sounded sarcastic, but she wasn’t. It was the truth, no one ever supported her, so what would change with her being in a new country? “Can you write everything I need to do down? I’ll do them once I’m done my homework.” She stated, looking away from the woman. “I’ll start looking for a job this weekend.” She added, then headed upstairs. 

 

Working on her homework, some of it was greatly different to what she was used to, mainly the grammar differences in the languages. Falling backward, her head hit the side of her bed, legs stretched out before her on the floor. Textbooks are off to the side of her on the floor. 

 

Finishing the last of what she could, she got up and went downstairs. Taped to the wall were a list and a note saying she was out and will be back later. 

 

Washing dishes, she went onto the next thing on the list. Slowly she had gotten all she could do before she went back upstairs. She wasn’t hungry and just wanted to sleep. Laying across the bed, she felt tears welled up in her eyes, but never fall. 

 

Face stayed in the pillow, fingers moving over the keys of her phone. Slowly she pulled up the only message of the day. 

 

**Anth:** We miss u

 

Closing the screen quickly, she couldn’t bear to reply. How could she? She abandons them. How can they miss her if she left them? Almost like she didn’t want them at all. Which is the farthest from the truth, she does want them. All of them. 

 

The way Princess’s floppy ears perked up whenever she heard Elliott came home. The way that Onyx’s always laid on her back. The way that Buster was plotting with one pointed ear going down flat and the other perking up more. All three of them curled up with her in bed, almost looking like a nest. Onyx on her back, Buster and Princess on her sides. Somehow she’d end up warm and safe. 

 

Growling from her memories started to surface. Watching Onyx’s small body fly across the room and the man who stood there, fuming. Princess was locked in the closet with Elliott and Onyx. All three of them were trying to get air out of the bottom of the door. The tight space was hard for any of them to move with the safe behind them. Crying, banging on the door. Years before they got Buster. 

 

Jerking awake, Elliott was breathing hard. Tears rolled down her face, punching the pillow next to her and sobbed escaped her lips. The nightmares were back, though they were more memories than nightmares. 

 

Another day, watching the sunrise. Another day avoiding her own nightmares and memories. She just wanted it to all stop. Fingers going down to the rubber bands around her wrist, popping them till she couldn’t think of anything. Just wanting everything to stop, just for a little while. Just for a little while, that’s all she asks for. The pain makes it feels like it stops, and makes sure she’s still alive. If you would call this living.


	2. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is the meaning of friends? The dictionary states it is a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. Does that mean that these people who are surrounding her now are her friends? Makoto, Haru, their friends in the swim club, Jin, and Jiro? She doesn't want to believe it. Makoto is just being nice, Haru is his friend as is the swim club. Jin and Jiro she doesn't understand at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N IMPORTANT: This is meant to be a therapy type of thing. I have been through a lot of trauma in my life and I need a way to express it, to see it wasn’t my fault. My counselor suggests placing one of the darling characters that I just adore into similar or same situations I have gone through. Upon seeing/reading it happen to them, then maybe I wouldn’t hate myself so much and “know it wasn’t your fault” and there was “nothing you could have done” to fix the situation. I can’t put any official characters into the same shoes as me, but I can use one of my favorite OCs to write. So I am. Warning, this has a lot of triggers. MAINLY ABUSE OF ALL KINDS.
> 
> A/N 2: Supposed to have posted this yesterday. I am sick and pup won't let me go back to sleep so posting now waiting for her to realize that I am not going to play with her at 2:36 am.

**Caught in the thought of that time**

**When everything was fine…**

**Everything was mine**

 

Walking to the school, she wasn’t expecting to see the boys not far in front of her. It was then Haru who stopped and looked back at her. Makoto followed suit and they seemed to wait for her. “You okay?” Makoto asked, reaching out to her. Giving them a bow and greeting them both, she kept walking. “Elliott-chan!” Makoto called, making her freeze. “You look tired.” He commented, reaching out to touch her back. 

 

“I’m fine.” She lied, starting to walk again. 

 

The boys looked to each other, not believing her. “Mind spending time with us today?” Makoto requested. 

 

She froze for a moment, thinking about it. Would her grandmother really care if she doesn’t show up on precisely time? She did everything she could early this morning, not having nothing else to do to distract her of the nightmares, the memories. 

 

“What are you two doing?” She wondered, looking back to him. 

 

His shoulders relaxed some and a soft smile spread across his lips. “We are practicing, we have a competition soon. Afterward, we were going to go out to eat at a family restaurant.” 

 

Head falling forward some, disappointed. “My apologies, I can’t go.” She stated, walking forward again. Walking faster to get away from them, she got ready to head to the classroom. 

 

Once there she was greeted by the teacher, which her shoulders relaxed some. “Ama-chan, I need some help with our homework from last night.” She admitted, bringing it to her. 

 

A while of the teacher trying to explain it to her, they think she got it. Finishing the last of the work, she went and sat down in her seat. At lunch, Ama-chan had called Elliott and Makoto off to the side. “Makoto-kun, I was hoping you wouldn’t mind helping Elliott-chan with her work. Since Japanese isn’t her first language, the writing might be confusing to her at times.” Ama explained, motioning to Elliott who could feel her face heating up. 

 

Makoto’s green eyes looked to Elliott before giving her a big smile. “I would like to help if I can.” He admitted. 

 

Ama clapped her hands happily. “Then for payment, what if Elliott-chan helps you with your English? You are having issues with that class, correct?” Ama asked, happily. 

 

This time it was Makoto’s turn to blush some, looking a little ashamed with himself. “Yes, I am having some issue with my English.” He admitted. After she dismissed the two, he asked her to join him and his friends for lunch. 

 

They went up to the roof and she was surprised at seeing the group that she saw the day before and another boy with them. Walking over to them, she was nervous. “Everyone this is Elliott-chan.” He introduced. Then he went around the group pointing each person out, saying who is who. In the end, he motioned to Haru. “You already know Haru-chan.”    
  
“Drop the chan.” Haru complained, eating his lunch annoyed. 

 

Elliott couldn’t stop the snicker that bubbled up. “Does that count for me too?” She wondered. Haru just huffed, so she didn’t know for sure or not. 

 

The youngest looking boy asked her a lot of questions and the redhead girl joined in. “Where are you from? Elliott is a strange name.” The boy started. His wavy honey hair over his eyes, which made him run his fingers through his hair. It made his hair seem to the part in a strange way, with his hair between his magenta eyes that was looking so hopeful. 

 

Taking a deep breath, she gave them a warm smile, though fake. “I am from America. My father named me but wasn't there for my birth. Didn’t realize till after the birth certificate was finalized I was a girl.” She informed them. 

 

“Wait, so you have a boy’s name?” Gou asked, excitedly. “I mean, mine is meant to be pronounced Kou but everyone mispronounces it as Gou, so I know the pain.” She explained, with a smile. 

 

“It’s destiny!” The smaller boy called out, clapping his hands. “You are perfect for our group, with having a boy’s name but being a girl.”   
  
“What?” Elliott asked as the one with glasses started to shake his head. 

 

“I’m sorry about Nagisa, he keeps insisting that every time we come across someone with the other gender name then they are perfect for our group…-” He explained his friend’s case. 

 

“That makes it sounds like we don’t want Elliott-chan in our group.” Nagisa frowned to the one with glasses. “That is mean, Rei!” He declared, making the one with glasses glare down to the smaller. 

  
Makoto soft elbowed Elliott and gave her a warm smile. “They like you.” He commented softly, only she could hear. 

 

She looked up to him with a warm smile. “Yeah. I guess they do.” She stated back. “For what we had agreed upon,” referring to the studying stuff with Ama-chan, “I was thinking maybe tomorrow we can start. It will give me a chance to inform haha.” She stated, softly. 

 

Eyes widening a fraction, he then spoke up what was on his mind. “Oh, I didn’t think that… I’m sorry, I thought that because you were meant to be a senior no one would worry about you being late.” He explained. 

 

Shaking her head slowly, she tried to figure out what to say. “I am not sure if she will care or not, but in case I don’t want her to get upset with me over something as simple as not giving her heads up,” Elliott explained, before looking to her hands that were folded on her lap. 

 

“Did you forget your lunch at home?” Rei asked, seeing that she wasn’t eating like some of them were. Most of them… Makoto was the only other one without food, and he was eating off of Haru’s lunch box. 

 

Shaking her head, she gave him as normal as she could muster a smile. “No, I’m not hungry.” She answered. 

 

Lunch then went on, filled with laughter and random talk of the team stuff. She learned that they were all part of the Swim Team. Even though some weren’t official, they were still close friends and still cared for the team. 

 

Makoto then told the others that he won’t make practice the next day since he has to study for a test that is coming up. They all decided to just cancel practice, besides Haru who grumbled under his breath. Makoto then reminded Haru that he could still probably use the pool, just has to be careful because of the fact it is so cool out. They didn’t want him to get sick again. 

 

They went to their classes afterward. When PE came around, Elliott was chased down by Jin and Jiro. Jin had invited Elliott over for a slumber party at her house. Only two people she could invite and she decided on her and another friend that Elliott didn’t know.    
  
Jiro winked at her, making Elliott’s feet freeze for a moment.  _ No way he could have meant that in a flirty way.  _ Elliott decided, walking away saying she’d see what she can do. 

 

By end of the day, Elliott was already tired. This day was a lot of socializing. Also, her eyes went back to the swim club as she bid them goodbye. Makoto then reminded her that they would walk with her in the morning, so he’d stop by her house before they go to Haru’s house. 

 

At home, she saw a list posted on the wall inside of the door. Kicking her shoes off, Elliott grabbed the list and saw that it was a bunch of odd end jobs. Finishing them as fast as she could, she stretched and then decided to take a shower and then crawl into bed. 

 

The voice that spoke startled her, turning to face them. “I missed that.” She stated, watching the elder woman walk up to her. 

 

A scowl on her lips, the woman looked ready to rip the girl a new one, which confused Elliott. She has done everything her grandmother had asked of her. All the chores no matter how stupid they were, and everything. “You haven’t eaten, you sleep and don’t really spend time with me.” The woman declared. 

 

Shoulders slumping a little, Elliott looked to the stairs. “Sorry, I’m just not really hungry. By the way, I have a group study tomorrow and one of my friends invited me over to a slumber party this weekend. I’ll get job applications while I am out with her.” Elliott stated, trying to not concentrate on the tone of the woman. 

 

“So you are just expecting me to be okay with you abandoning me? You are just like your mother. Always abandoning everything if you find it not useful or to your taste.” The woman snapped, though kept her voice even. 

 

Jerking her head away from the woman, Elliott couldn’t stop what she was going to say next. “My apologies, Obaa-san, though I am really tired and need to take a shower. I promise next week I’ll spend time with you.” The woman scuffed walking away. 

 

Elliott bolts upstairs, grabbing a change of clothes and then got into the shower. Tears ran down her face with the warm water. She hated this feeling, the one of loneliness and guilt. Only two days in and she has already disappointed the woman. She hasn’t broken her previous record yet.    
  
One day and eight minutes.    
  
It was the day she met him… The smirk in the back of her mind made her whimper, trying to ignore the sharp pain in her chest that went to her arms in jolts. Like lighting shock running through her veins. 

 

Shaking the thought off, she tried to remember her friends… the few she had made against her family’s wishes. The ones who now are taking care of her babies till she can return for them or find a place here that would let her have them. Which made her remember she has to get on her grandmother’s computer to start looking up information and to video chat with her friends. 

 

Washing away as much of the gross feeling she could, she climbed out and while drying off, her eyes looked to the mirror. Hazel eyes that looked more amber stared back at her. “What are you looking? You ugly monster.” She snapped at the reflection before getting dress and walking to her room. Flopping down on the bed, she felt so tired, but still couldn’t get herself to fall asleep. 

 

Hot tears formed in her eyes, she didn’t know what to do or how to handle these memories that kept surfacing. 

 

The last time she tried to make friends, she ended up having the whole class but one person hates her. Then that one person introduce her to others who were like them. Though it had to change anything, she wouldn’t have. 

 

The three friends she had was the world to her. Just as was her three babies. Eyes drifting shut for a few minutes, she didn’t realize when she had fallen asleep. 

 

_ A small girl sat under a tree, watching the other kids playing in the schoolyard. “What are you doing over here?” A voice came over to her.  _

 

_ Dark hair was pulled up in a loose ponytail and the deep blue eyes stared into her amber ones. “No one wants me to play.” She stated, curling up into herself.  _

 

_ “Then let us play.” The girl held out her hand to the girl who was scared now. “I’m Kati, who are you?”  _ _   
_ _   
_ __ “Elliott.” She replied, taking Kati’s hand, and with a pull up the two started to play a game of hopscotch. They kept giggling and talking while playing. Till finally the bell rang and they had to go to class. 

 

_ The pair learned they were in the same class and happily sat next to each other till they had to move to their normal seats. “Oh look, it is the parent destroyer.” One of the other kids in class calls out making Kati freeze. Elliott looked around while the kid kept it up. “I heard she was such a mess up that her dad refuses to acknowledge her.”  He laughed.  _

 

_ Looking away, Elliott softly elbowed her. They kept it up saying how stupid that Kati was and stuff that seemed to be hurting Elliott’s new friend. She had the perfect chance to join in and make more friends, but Elliott couldn’t bare bring herself that low. “Shut up!” Elliott snapped, standing up from her seat. “You have a problem with Kati you have a problem with me!” Elliott declared.  _

 

_ The boy was much bigger than her and stood up. “Bring it, shrimp.” He held his hands up motioning to himself. “I can take a stupid girl like you.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ __ Moving over to him she grabbed his shirt collar to pull him down to her level. “Listen to me and listen to me well, no one hurts my friends and get away with it. You are just a jerk that probably can’t even handle getting hit.” She challenge. 

 

_ “You saying I can’t handle a stupid girl?” He growled out.  _

 

_ With a small smirk, Elliott couldn’t stop now. “Precisely what I am saying, jerk.” She pushed him away. “You will get beaten up and you know it.” She then turned to look at Kati.  _

 

_ “After school today! I want to see you at the park.” He challenged.  _

 

_ Turning to look at him over her shoulder. “You probably wouldn’t even show.” She mused, before sitting back down next to Kati.  _

 

_ The teacher came in and started to talk about their art assignments. Elliott sat next to Kati as they started to work on what the teacher was giving them. By end of the day, Elliott was getting nervous about this fight. Kati couldn’t come because her father picked her up. She lived with her mother, but her dad wanted to spend time with her. That left Elliott alone, stopping at the park on way home. The two boys went across the street dropping off their bags inside a house and then came back across. An older one was leaning against a fence inside of the park, but Elliott didn’t give him any mind.  _

 

_ The bigger boy, Jack, pushed forward and got into Elliott’s face. The smaller one went around to her side. They started to push her back and forth, Jack went to punch her. The older boy stepped forward, catching his hand and a foot came out kicking him behind his knees. Falling forward, pushing arm backward the older boy scoffed at Jack. “Now, two on one isn’t very fair, don’t you think?” He growled, dark skin seemed to glean from sweat and those dark gray eyes seemed to hold a hatred for the boy that he had prevented from seriously hurting Elliott. “You can fight?” He asked, looking to Elliott and taking a few steps away from the shocked Jack.  _

 

_ Holding her fists up, thumbs on the inside the boy snorted. “Put your thumbs on outside of your fist. Less likely for you to break them.” The older boy stated, glaring to the shorter shaggy sandy hair one. Speaking in a lower tone to Elliott, he motioned to which one and then told her where to hit him.  _

 

_ Following his directions, as best as she could, she had the sandy-haired one on the ground and looked over to where Jack was to see him bloody and bruised. “You don’t gang up on someone, twerp.” The older kicked Jack in the stomach. “Got it?”  _ __   
  


_ The boy coughed looking up to the girl’s defender. It almost sounded like a cough was an answer to what the older asked. The boy got up as did the one that Elliott was fighting and they bolted back across the street into the house that they dropped their bags at.  _

 

_ Turning to face the girl, he held his hand out to her. “Name’s Anthony. Call me Tony or anything like it, I’d be the one you fight next.” He warned.  _

 

_ Giving him a small smile, she bolted forward and wrapped arms around his middle. “Elliott is my name.” She stated, holding on to him. The older just gave her a confused look before looking around awkwardly.  _

 

Feeling like the world was light for the first time in a long time, she sat up slowly. Eyes took a few minutes to adjust to the light of the sun coming up through her window. “I miss them.” She muttered to herself, eyes not focusing on anything. “I miss them.” A soft sob left her lips, pulling legs up to her chest. 

 

When she couldn’t cry anymore, she crawled out of bed and started to get ready for the day. Washing her face, she sat down and ate breakfast with her grandmother. The woman kept making snide remarks, making Elliott uncomfortable eating with the woman. 

 

“What? Are you allergic to makeup?” The woman sneered, making Elliott freeze. “You don’t have time for that, Makoto is here.” She motioned to the door as it was being knocked on. Elliott started to get up bidding her goodbye. “You are just going to leave like that? Not even wash your dishes? Were you raised in a barn!?” The woman started to yell and scare Elliott. 

 

Quickly she washed the dishes and dropped them in the drain pan. “My apologies, Obaa-san. I must go.” She went out the door quickly. 

 

Makoto saw the red in her eyes and the way her eyes would look away from him quickly. “Everything okay, Elliott-chan?” He wondered, moving closer to her. 

 

“Please don’t call me chan. It seems weird.” Voice was very low and it worried Makoto greatly. Whatever was wrong seemed to be making her very emotional. “It’s nothing important. Just a little homesick.” She half lied, not really able to tell him the full truth. 

 

The young man gave her a soft smile, leading her to Haru’s house again. Going inside, she went straight to the living room and waited for them. Makoto got Haru and then Haru got ready. He made his breakfast which was fish and toast to Elliott’s amusement. Looking to where Elliott was sitting he put more toast in the toaster and spoke softly to Makoto who was trying to hurry him up. After eating, Haru went to his room to get dress. The second set of toast popped up and Makoto put butter on them and brought them over to Elliott.    
  
“You look hungry so Haru told me to make sure you eat these.” He explained, with a warm smile. 

 

That smile made Elliott feel unworthy. Taking the toast, she thanked him and ate. Makoto talked to her about their plans that night. “I was hoping we could study somewhere that isn’t my house. My siblings will be home and we won’t get much done.” That made Elliott frown in thought. “You don’t know much of this town yet do you?” He wondered, seeing how she was spacing out in thought.    
  
Shaking her head, she had to find her voice. “No, I haven’t had time to explore yet.” Which felt like the truth. Though not fully true either, she didn’t like to explore since her childhood. It felt like she wasn’t allowed to and it scared her greatly. 

 

Humming softly, Makoto lean back before smiling softly. “Haru, mind if we study here?” He asked, seeing Haru come out of his room dressed. Haru glanced between them then shrug his shoulders. He didn’t care. “That settles it, we will study here then.” Elliott just agreed. “Afterwards we can eat here too.”    
  
“Uh, does Haru only eat fish?” She wondered, feeling her stomach twist up. Makoto nodded his head not seeing the issue. “I’m allergic, I can’t eat it.” She explained which made him go into thought.    
  
A hum left him before he smiled. “We can order pizza.” He stated like it was a simple solution. “We will order two, one with anchovies or shrimp and the other with pepperoni.” He added that part for Haru who was still listening.    
  


The three was heading out, walking to school. Randomly talking about what they planned on doing besides studying. Makoto wanted to know more about Elliott’s life in America, which she got nervous he notices when talking about it. Then remembering what she stated earlier, he paled some. “My apologies, I didn’t mean to make you feel more homesick.” He commented, with a bow. 

 

Shaking her head, she moved for him to stop that. “It is fine, I understand you are curious about America.” She stated, rushed. 

 

Haru was giving her strange looks, which she choose to ignore. Seeing the school in view she then decided to divide off at seeing Jiro and Jin. “I have to go talk to Jin, I’ll see you two in class,” Elliott stated, rushing off to her other friend. 

 

… Was Makoto and Haru her friends? No, she was studying with Makoto and Haru is his friend.    
  
Shaking that off, she talked with Jin about that weekend. She would come over Saturday and spend Saturday night with them. She had invited her and another friend of hers who Elliott didn’t know. Someone from another class. Jin seemed so excited and Jiro kept moving closer to her, giving soft elbows and nudges when Jin was expecting Elliott to be excited and she wasn’t. 

 

Moving along with them into class, Jin kept talking about the plans excitedly. Makoto and Haru were already in their seats close to the back of the class, making Elliott shift in her spot by Makoto and looking back at Jin who was still babbling happily. Somehow it went from the sleepover to books that Jin was reading. 

 

When class started, Elliott just tried to concentrate on it instead of all the negativity that was now floating in her mind. She was going to screw up when studying tonight and make Makoto and Haru, her potential friends, hate her. She was going to screw up this weekend and make Jin and her friend hate her. She just knew she would screw up cause she always does. 

 

By lunch, she was invited by both Jin and Makoto to join them for lunch. Looking between them she shifted her feet slowly. “I’m sorry?” She stated, not sure who she should go with. Jin was giving Makoto a strange look then smiled at Elliott warmly. 

 

The smile though was warm, it felt fake and Elliott wanted to run as fast as she could away. “It is fine, go eat with them. We will talk later, okay?” She asked, happily. 

 

Getting up to the roof, she was looking out past the gating that was on top of the roof. She assuming it was there to prevent people from jumping from the roof. Looking back to where the swim team was talking, she felt like weights were on her shoulders. “Eat with us, Ellipi!~” She heard the loudly from the youngest looking male. 

 

“Who is Ellipi?” Elliott asked, highly confused. 

 

That made him laugh while the one with glasses, Rei, fussed at the younger looking one. “Nagisa, that isn’t a way to speak to someone that didn’t give you permission calling them something other than their name!” Rei went on a tangent about proper ways of speaking to people, which Elliott tuned him out and it looked like Nagisa did too. 

 

“I think it’s cute,” Kou stated, taking a bite of her food. 

 

Rei done scolding the younger one, he looked to where Elliott was sitting. “Though very poorly asked, I think it would be a good idea for you to join us. We tend to share our food anyway.” He motioned for their lunches. 

 

Shaking her head, slowly, Elliott motioned to Haru. “He had me eat at his house after I ate breakfast this morning.” Which wasn’t a lie? Though she wasn’t hungry for another reason. 

 

Finishing their lunch, Elliott went back to the class with Makoto. Jin rushed pass, grabbing her arm and bolted to the restrooms. Elliott barely let a squeak out, which Makoto started to call for them. “Don’t worry we will get to class on time!” Jin called out while pushing Elliott into the room. 

 

Balancing herself, Elliott gave Jin a confused look. “Something wrong, Jin-chan?” She asked, confused about why she was dragged into there. 

 

The girl pouted at Elliott, crossing her arms across her chest. “Why are you hanging around so much with Makoto-kun?” She asked, seems to be saddened by the thought of something that Elliott didn’t have the privy to know about. 

 

Tilting her head to the side confused, Elliott didn’t understand why this was an issue. “I’m sorry? He is my friend, I think.” She added the last part under her breath. “The whole swim team is really nice to me.”    
  
“Probably because you are from another country. You know, you are new and shiny. They will get over it fast.” She stated, crossing her arms and giving Elliott a slight glare. “You know that I liked Makoto-kun for so long now, and yet you came out of nowhere and he is paying all his attention to you. It isn’t fair. As my friend, you can’t date him!” She declared. “Besides that poor Jiro would be heartbroken that his crush is dating someone else. He is so self-conscious about himself. He isn’t in any sports so not many girls look at him.” She was rambling. 

 

“I’m not going to chase after Makoto,” Elliott stated, holding her hands up. “I’m not interested in him like that.” She added, which she wasn’t sure if it was true or not. She thinks Makoto is handsome and he is completely sweet, but if she is right and it is just that she is new that they are so interested in her… it made her chest hurt. She could feel the sharp pains starting to form and go down her arms. 

 

Taking a couple of pained breaths, Elliott tried to keep it off of her face. “Well we should get to class, we don’t want to be late.” She stated, chipper now. 

 

Nodding her head, Elliott just forced herself to follow after the other. Her chest still hurt and it was hard to move, but she forced herself forward. The crowded halls made it feel like all the air in her lungs were being sucked out. It was like someone shoved a vacuum tube down her throat and turned it on. 

 

Not being able to get air into her lungs at all, instead of losing it all from the people around her. They bumped into her and it feels like she was drowning again. For a split second, she could see what looked like air bubbles coming up in front of her and the world seemed to be tented in a blurry fashion. It was like she was underwater. Feeling strong arms holding her down under the water. She pushed herself harder forward, feeling her lungs seem to burn and feel like salt water was filling up in them just as she enters the classroom. 

 

She was sweating buckets by this time and looked highly pained. It was Makoto and Jiro who both jumped up. Makoto got to her first, while Jiro help holds her. “Sensei!” One of the people in the background scream. She wasn’t sure who, black splotches in her sight made her not see much and then everything felt like it was far away. It sounded like coming through the water, almost. 

 

When she woke up she was laying under a white sheet and a boy sat next to her. “You are awake.” The boy commented, not even looking at her. Giving a noise of confusion, he looked to her and the sharpness of his eyes made her flinch. “You have been out for about an hour and a half. Your friends keep popping in between classes. Very annoying.” The young man stated, with a growl. 

 

Giving him a confused look, she looked away from him real fast to scan the room. “Where am I?”    
  
“Nurse office.” He answered, reading the small booklet in his hands. 

 

“And you are?” She wondered, sitting up. Her back hurt some as did her neck. 

 

“Daitaro,” He replied, not looking from his book. “I was sent here when they notice that I was asleep.” He grunted it was almost like he didn’t care. 

 

A few moments later and the bell rang. A head popped into the room. Blinking a few times, the young man in the doorway walked forward slowly. “You gave us a scare.” He stated, tilting his head to the side, and a wide smile came across his face. “Feeling better now?” 

 

“I guess.” She stated, slowly start to get up. Her legs bucked, making her fall back onto the bed. “Maybe not.” She grunted, in pain. 

 

That made the other male, Daitaro looked up to her curiously. “Oi! Jiro, you should go. You don’t want to be late for class.” He stated, motioning for Jiro to leave which the boy did, hesitantly. “You shouldn’t hang out with guys like him. He’d take advantage.” He stated, going back to his book. 

 

“I don't know what you mean,” Elliott grunted, laying back down. Rolling to her side, she faced away from him. She couldn’t fall asleep, but she did rest for a bit. 

 

When the final bell of the day went off, Makoto came into the nurse office. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, it only took a few more minutes till everyone else of the Swim Team to show up. “We heard what happened. Are you okay? Do you know why you fainted?” Kou asked, rushed and worry seeped off of her. 

 

Elliott reminded herself how to breathe, before talking and explaining. “It is nothing. I must have overwhelmed myself is all. I will promise I’ll try to take it easier.” She held her hand up to them. 

 

That made them all relax some. Getting up, Elliott got her work from Makoto who had gotten extras of all of it for her. Walking back to their neighborhood. The whole team decided to go over to Haru’s house since he lives alone and so it seems more fun and roomier there. 

 

Elliott found it weird he lived alone, though explained that his parents are away for work. She would have never been trusted alone. Looking away from them, she could hear them laughing and joking around. They were all having a study group instead of one on one like Makoto and her originally planned. They all had picked up where someone else fails. It was useful and entertaining. The teasing. Eating pizza and teasing each other good heartily. 

 

She felt herself getting tired, leaning against Makoto she didn’t mean to fall asleep. It just happened. He didn’t seem to mind. Letting her sleep, they cleaned up the mess. Makoto eased her down till she was laying flat. He notices she was starting to sweat and seemed to be breathing hard. 

 

Softly he shook her awake. A jerk and noise that sounded like a squeak but more of a startled yelp left her lips. Breathing hard, Elliott pulled her legs to her looking to the people who were around her in worry. “I’m sorry.” She breathed out. Pushing the tears back, she couldn’t break down in front of them. “I must have had a nightmare.” She didn’t lie but didn’t tell them this was normal either. “I should head home.” She added at seeing how dark it was outside. 


	3. Bubble

**Everything was fine…**

**Everything was mine**

  
  


The small talk and Jin’s friend seems to be pushing Elliott out of the picture. Every time Elliott says something the other girl makes fun of her. “You can’t even speak properly so just shut up. No one likes listening to their language getting butcher.” The girl that Elliott didn’t even bother to remember her name declared. 

 

Scuffing, Elliott got up and decided to walk away. Going into the kitchen for some water the male in the room looked up with a small smile. “What are you doing in here? Thought you’d be hanging out with Jin.” He stated, though looked as though he was debating something in his mind. 

 

Getting the glass, she sat down next to him. “Nah, they seemed to be perfectly fine without me.” She stated, taking a sip of her water. “What are you doing out here, Jiro? I thought you’d head home by now.” She wondered.

 

Shaking his head, the small smile on his lips made her confused. It was a sad one, not a happy smile. “My parents live in another town. I live here with my aunt.” He explained. 

 

The two talked, laughed, and enjoy each other’s company. When he leaned over, kissing her it shocked her. Not knowing what she felt about it, she jerked away, and eyes looked around the room confused. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” He stated, playing with the cup in his hand. 

 

Nodding her head, she excused herself and left. He laughed softly, with a smirk that she didn’t see. 

 

Inside Jin’s room, the two were talking and giggling. “Oh, you are back.” Jin piped up. 

 

Sitting down next to her, the three went back to doing the girly things. Playing with each other’s hair, though somehow Elliott felt like she wasn’t welcomed again. It felt like she was being excluded. 

 

By morning, the other two were asleep. Soft light shining onto Elliott’s face as she typed to the person who was calming her nerves. Pictures of her babies being sent through. One of his legs stretched out in front of him and her eldest baby laying on them with head resting on his knees. The next one was right over his shoulder where the other two were curled up. One under his head the other on top of her and his head on top of Anthony’s head. 

 

Giving a small smile she felt relaxed, but not enough to fall asleep. She kept scrolling through the pictures. Enjoying seeing her babies. They looked healthy and hopefully happy. 

 

Chest tightening, she placed her hand on it closing her eyes tightly. She missed them dearly. All of them. Her three babies, plus her friends: Anthony, Kati, and Teamon. Tucking her face into the pillow she tried to not think about the pain in her chest. Instead, she tried to think of her friends here. Jiro who was in the room down the hall. Jin who was laying a few feet from her. Makoto and the swim team. They all seemed like really nice people. 

 

The kiss from the kitchen drifted up her mind, making Elliott bury her face into her pillow. She could feel her face heating up. Anthony message her back saying that he doesn’t know what she should do. She had told him everything between pictures of her babies. 

 

Groaning softly into the pillow, she turned her head to look another way. She felt so tired of this. Part of her preferred when she was alone, but she doesn’t like being alone. Being alone made the thoughts come back harder. She didn’t think she could survive that, but being around people dulled it as long as she avoided toxic people. The issue is, Elliott looked over to where Jin’s friend was laying, they come in all shapes and sizes. The toxic people are hard to identify. 

 

Another groan and falling face first into the pillow, she didn’t know what to do. A small smile did cross her lips at Makoto being so sweet to her. All of the swim team was, which was a blessing to her. Being scared is one of the worst feelings to her, sometimes she is so scared she can’t stop her brain from remembering the worst situations she was most scared in. 

 

Feeling the hands on her shoulders, she started to shake her head. “Not here.” She pleaded to her head, getting up to start moving around. Instead of sleeping she went into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Looking out the window, she sighed. 

 

By time the sun started to come up, her eyes were feeling heavy. It felt like someone was in the room with her. Glancing around, she didn’t see anyone. The feeling didn’t go away. It was almost like she could feel someone breathing on the back of her neck. ‘Be a good girl.’ 

 

Back stiffening up, tears started to form in corner of her eyes. “Not here.” She begged, closing eyes tightly, pulling knees up to her chest. “Please, not here. Not now.” She felt her stomach turn. By the time that others started to get up, she bolted to the bathroom. She couldn’t stop the feeling. Body heaving out all of what she was able to get into her the day before. A groan of annoyance crossed her. Flushing, then getting up to wash out her mouth and wash her face, she saw her reflection. In corner of it she could see a smirking face that made her want to heave again, though it would be dry and painful. Taking deep breaths, closing eyes tightly, she pushed the image out of her mind. 

 

Leaving the bathroom, she got a glass of water and thanked the adults who asked if she wanted food but politely decline. She doesn’t think she would be able to hold it down. When noon came around, Elliott explored and found a few places that she got applications for. Bringing them home, she filled them out and planned on taking them back out later that day or maybe after school Monday. 

 

While filling them out in the kitchen she listens to the old woman babble on and on. “You know if Chiyo or Laurence was here then they’d have a job by now and help pay bills. They weren’t lazy and did things last second.” The woman spat at Elliott. 

 

“I’m sorry? I had to go to school and I’m applying as soon as I can.” She stated, looking up from the papers she was filling out. The woman scoffed complaining more about how two of her three biological sisters would have done things better. That Elliott just couldn’t match up to them. 

 

When she was done filling the applications out, she left to turn them in. One of the places was the mall that's hiring for cashiers at the sports equipment store. It was a whole side of the mall by itself, to her amazement. Inside, she placed the application down and talked to the woman for a few minutes.    
  
While leaving she heard her name, stopping to look over her shoulder she saw three heads weaving in and out of the crowd heading to her direction. “What are you doing here?” Kou asked, getting closer to her. The people who were following her was a guy who looked a lot like her. The other was a bigger man that looked like he belonged in a sports store. 

 

Looking between the two guys she didn’t know and the girl who had approached her. Giving her a forced smile she spoke softly. “I was putting in a job application.” She explained, hesitant to talk around the boys. “I already got permission from the school to get an after school job.” She added when Kou looked like she was about to state something about it. 

 

Kou’s lips formed a small o before she turned to the guys. “This is my big brother Rin and his Captain Seijuro.” She remembered to keep their honorifics off. “Rin-onii, Seijuro-kun, this is Elliott. She’s from America so honorifics tend to confuse her at times,” she explained her reasonings to them. 

 

Giving both of the males a small bow Elliott greeted them. “Elliott, that’s a male’s name,” Rin stated, with a smirk. “Mine is female, but I am far from it.” He gave her a wink and showing off extremely sharp teeth. It made her mind wander for a brief moment how it would feel to have him sink those teeth into her. 

 

Feeling her face heat up she looked away quickly. “Yeah,” her voice was soft before she then remembers what Kou said. “Captain, what sport do you two play?” She questioned, trying to distract herself. 

 

“We are in the Samezuka swim club. Would you like to come to watch us practice?” he asked, watching how her body react. 

 

Feeling herself stiff up, Elliott couldn’t stop the noise of fear that left her lips. “I’m sorry, I can’t. I should go.” She spoke all at once then bolted away. 

 

“That was weird. I mean she’s a little flighty but that was odd even for her.” Kou mumbled to herself. 

 

Rin was looking at his sister then eyes went to where the girl was rushing off to. He was now curious about her. Getting into the street she started to walk down it. It was hard to breathe, and she felt light headed. Black spots started to form on the edges of her vision. Taking a few deep slow breaths, she looked for somewhere that no one was at. 

 

Closer to the alleyway away around a corner of a restaurant, Elliott let herself ease down. Putting her weight on her feet, but not sitting Indian style. She didn’t want to sit all the way down so crouching was close to what she can get. Head resting forward on her elbows and hands holding together straight resting on her knees. 

 

Deep breathes, she kept humming to herself that it was just her. No one else there. Nothing bad was going to happen. It is all in her head. It was just her. Nothing around in her bubble. 

 

Finally, her vision started to clear up. Getting up slowly, Elliott looked around where she was. Trying to figure her way back home, she was backtracking how she got to the mall. Walking the streets, she eased up some till she got to where she needed to be. Walking down the street, she stretched till her back popped. Instead of taking the train she had decided to walk it. It felt more natural than to use the train. Plus it was free to walk. 

 

Almost there, she saw Makoto playing with two kids. Slowly she stopped till she gave them a smile. “Hey, Elliott-chan,” He greeted, with a warm smile. 

 

“Hello, Makoto-kun.” She bowed. He waved his hand saying she didn’t have to bow to him. 

 

“We are friends after all.” That made her heart stopped for a moment. 

 

He called her his friend. 

 

Did she deserve to be called that?

 

She didn’t believe so. 

 

Giving him a soft smile, she then brightens up greatly when the two kids seemed to become extremely interested in her. “Onii, is this your Koibito?” One asked, then they started to speak to fast for Elliott to understand. 

 

Elliott looked up to Makoto with wide eyes and highly confused. She didn’t know the meaning of that word. Makoto’s face was turning a dark shade of red. “She is a friend.” He corrected and then told them to go inside to get something cool to drink. “I’m sorry about them.” He apologizes, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “What are you doing this far out?” He then wondered. 

 

“I’m coming back from the mall. Prefer the long walk.” She answered, looking away from him with a light blush. “What does koibeeto mean?” She asked, confused. 

 

He blinked a few times before laughing softly. “Koibito…” he corrected before blushing some. Glaring playfully at the door to his house he sighed. “It means, like girlfriend or boyfriend.” He explained. 

 

Blinking a couple of times she motioned between them. “They thought we were a couple?” She squeaked out. 

 

That made his face heat up some more, as did her own. “Yeah.” He looked sheepish. She found it cute, and endearing. “Would you like something to drink?” He motioned to the house. 

 

Nodding her head, she followed him inside. Kicking her shoes off at the door, she was then greeted by a woman who stuck her head out of a room. “Oh, hello.” She greeted Elliott. That made her freeze for a moment. “Makoto, who is she?” The woman questioned. 

 

Seeing the woman’s droopy eyes and how her smile looks so much like Makoto’s Elliott seemed to relax some. “This is Elliott, a friend from school.” He stated, before looking back to Elliott. “This is my mother,” he voiced what she thought. 

 

Giving the elder woman a bow, Elliott’s manners kicked in. Her brown hair seemed to be even darker version of Makoto and she had a very calming personality that calmed Elliott’s nerves. “Konnichiwa, uh,” Elliott froze for a second trying to remember the proper phrasing. Blushing deeply she went with what she knew. “Tachibana-san.” She decided on. 

 

Makoto chuckled and then explained to his mother that she is from America so a lot of their ways are a lost on her. That made the woman chuckle and said it was fine to call her that or okaasan. Giving the woman another bow she she thanked the older. 

 

Walking into the kitchen where the two kids were drinking what looked like juice, Makoto made them both a glass of water and got out two twin pops. Handing one to his siblings, the other he broke between them. Elliott thanked him, then he motioned to the stairs. “Obaa, we are going upstairs.” He called back before leading Elliott away again. 

 

Once upstairs, the two chat for a bit. Elliott told him about Jiro kissing her. His eyes widen and then she went on saying she doesn't even know how she feels about Jiro. The thing that made everything worse, she felt closer to Makoto then to either Jiro or his cousin Jin. “If you don’t like him, you have to tell him.” He stated, eating his pop and watching her carefully. 

 

The frown that tugged at her lips, as she bit down on her own. “I don’t know how I feel about him. It just all took me off guard.” She explained, leaning against him. “I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I didn’t have time to even figure out how I am doing here yet. It isn’t like a few days after getting to Japan throwing a relationship into the confusion of my emotions will help any.” She groaned softly, and he laughed. 

 

“Tell him that. If he doesn’t understand than he’s not worth your time.” He stated, reaching out to make her look at him. “If you don’t want a relationship yet, no one can force one on you.” He then motioned to his tv set. “Want to play a game?” 

 

Shaking her head, she moved to sit on his bed behind him. “No, but I’d like to watch you play. I’m not good at games.” She explain. He laughed softly, starting the game up. 

 

She didn’t pay much attention to it. When she did, she seemed to start dozing off. The stress of everything seem to just vanish slowly. When she seemed to get quiet that Makoto almost forgot she was there, he turned to face her. A small smile tugged on his lips. She had fallen asleep on his bed. Getting up slowly, he notice that she was hugging his pillow tightly and body seemed to be more relax than the time she fell asleep at Haru’s house. 

 

It was strange. She always seems tired, he has even seen her fall asleep twice now. Reaching out, he pushed her hair back, seeing light scars on her shoulders. Looking closely it looked almost like marks from finger nails. Pulling a sheet over her, he walked out of his room. Telling his mom what happened, she seemed to give him a soft smile though confused. “She has always seem so tired?” She wondered, seeing something that her son might not be able to see, yet. 

 

“She has, maybe she just not getting enough sleep. She seems to be overwhelmed with a lot of stuff too. Moving to a new country, new school, new friends, plus everything is in a completely different language.” He went on and she gave him a soft smile. A small giggle escaping her lips. She noticed how her son looked at the girl, and the girl looks to him. They might not realize yet, but she is sure they will eventually. 

 

“I am sure that is it. Just to much and she has exhausted herself. I’ll call her grandmother and tell her that Elliott-chan is eating here with us tonight.” She mused, before turning to finish what she started. 

 

Giving her mother a warm smile, he nodded his head. “Thank you, obaa.” Then left to go back upstairs. His siblings were playing downstairs and getting to his room, he saw her still asleep in his bed. Her body was stiff now, and a soft whimper left her lips. Walking closer to her, he placed his hand on her own. “Elliott-chan, are you okay?” He questioned, softly. 

 

Slowly she stopped whimpering, but tears ran down from her eyes. He wiped the one that he could reach. She seemed to loosen up a little, moving closer to his warmth. Feeling her pull him in, she relaxed more. Going back to his game, he enjoyed feeling her behind him and didn’t feel bothered at all that she was asleep. 

 

When he heard her moving around more, he turned his head around giving her a small smile. “You are awake.” He stated, giving her a small smile. 

 

“I’m sorry.” She apologize, sitting up, rubbing her head. “I don’t know why…-”   
  
“You were tired, it happens.” He waved his hand to dismiss it. “Haha called your house so you would eat here tonight.” That made her relax some. That means she doesn’t have to show up at the house so soon. 

 

“Thank you.” She breathed, getting down to sit next to him. He was surprised that she leaned against him. “I don’t know what it is about you and your family, but I feel so relaxed and safe here.” She stated, still partly asleep so not realizing what she admitted to. 

 

He gave her a strange look, finding that comment odd, but brush it off. She probably used the wrong words. He had to keep reminding himself that she doesn’t know Japanese as first language. She learned it later in her life, so some of her words are odd as his words to her would probably be. 

 

Watching her go in and out of sleep, leaning against him, he couldn’t stop the small smile form. He is happy that she feels safe here and that she feels like she is safe with him. Closing his eyes, he leaned against her, taking in her scent. She smelt like sweat from walking all day, but also he could smell vanilla and something that reminds him of strawberries, maybe watermelon type of smell? It was something fruitsy for sure. 

 

When the two younger siblings came up to tell them dinner was ready they started to giggle. Instead of waking them up, they went back downstairs to get their mother. Walking upstairs to his room, she gave the two a warm smile before calling for them. “Hungry?” She asked, seeing Makoto nod his head. Elliott hesitate, but the look that Makoto gave her made her nod her head too. 

 

Downstairs, while they were eating, Elliott learned fast that it was easy to blend into their family. Makoto softly elbowed her. When done eating and Elliott helped them clean up, Makoto’s father asked him to walk Elliott home. 

 

Feeling him walking next to her, she couldn’t stop herself leaning into him again. She enjoy his warmth and the comfort that came with him. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” She stated, stopping outside of her grandmother’s house. 

 

Giving her a small nod, he looked down to her. She could almost see him debating something in his eyes before he bid her goodnight. “See you tomorrow.” He called over his shoulder. 

 

Waving her hand to him she called back to him same thing. Walking into the house, she kicked her shoes off and was almost through the living room when she heard that voice. “What took you so long?” Her grandmother asked. 

 

Freezing up, she looked into the living room and bowed to the woman. “My apologies, I was invited to eat dinner with the Tachibana family. They said they called you…-”    
  
The woman stood up making Elliott stop talking in fear. Glaring at the girl, the woman storm forward. “They did! You planned that! You are an ungrateful little bitch that just using me! You are no better than your mother who just runs away from all of her issues. You ran away from your issues instead of dealing with them and now you are using me and refusing to even help me out!” The woman started to storm at Elliott. When she flinch back, expecting to feel the slap that was surely coming… it never did. Opening her eyes the woman just looked at her in disgust before storming away. 

 

Tears burned Elliott’s eyes as she bolts upstairs. She didn’t plan any of that. How would she know that she’d run across Makoto and his siblings playing outside? How did she know that Makoto would invite her in to cool off? How would she know that they would invite her to eat with them? She didn’t! How could she!? 

 

Upstairs, she fell into her bed, tears running down her face and her body felt so sore and heavy. Of course Elliott did something wrong. She always does something wrong. By time the sun starts to come up, Elliott gets up and takes a shower. Drying her hair best as she can without turning on the hair drier, she runs downstairs and starts to clean. She wasn’t hungry.    
  


Finish cleaning, she looked to her grandmother who was eating her breakfast and drinking her coffee while writing in her book. It was some game book, though Elliott didn’t care what it was precisely. Making her own cup of coffee, Elliott reminded her grandmother she was in a study group that night and wednesday night. 

 

With a scuff, the woman glared up to Elliott. “Of course, you won’t ever keep your promise. Completely typical.” She growled, before looking down to her book. 

 

Looking away from the woman, Elliott felt guilty. “I didn’t know I would run into Makoto or that he’d invite me in for a bit. I was heading home after turning in applications. That was part of our agreement, for me to get a job to help pay bills.” She stated. 

 

The woman snarled, standing up and making Elliott jump back. She was so scared though the woman didn’t see why. “You are lying! Why wouldn’t you have called me yourself if you aren’t lying! You are just going to slut yourself out like your mother did! You are no better than she is!” The woman roar, making Elliott feel sick. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Elliott stated, dumping out the last of her coffee and wash the cup before dropping it into the drain board. “I need to go. School and all.” Elliott used as an excuse running out the front door. Bringing her shoes outside to put them on. 

 

Makoto was walking up the road when she did. He saw her and rushed to get closer to her. “Something wrong, Elliott-chan?” he questioned. 

 

Shaking her head, she gave him a warm smile. “Please just call me Elliott.”    
  
“What about just calling you Elli?” He wondered, as they walking off to Haru’s house. 

 

Nodding her head, she could accept that. “Just no chan or anything. It throws me off.” She explained. He nodded his head, agreeing to her terms. 

 

Inside Haru’s house, this time Makoto was the one who made the toast, and also she notice that he had two lunch boxes today. Haru motioned them to walk out first, and then followed. She didn’t see him place a lunch box into his bag. Walking to the school, she didn’t bother going to where Jin and Jiro was. She knew that if she did, she’d had to face what happened that weekend. 

 

It was all still on her mind. She couldn’t run or hide from it all. Taking a deep breath, she stuck closer to Haru, which he noticed. Looking over her shoulder to direction of Jiro and Jin, Haru looked confused. Instead of asking about it, he shrugged it off. 

 

In class Jiro kept trying to get her attention, though Elliott tried to ignore him. Scowling, he waited till they were heading to lunch. Elliott detour to the restroom telling the boys she’d meet them up on the roof. Closing her eyes she tried to calm down her heart rate. It felt like her heart was going to beat right out of her chest, and a feeling of pure regret filled her being. 

 

Everything was about to go wrong, she just knew it. The only time she feels this way is when things are about to go wrong and she can’t prevent it. When she was sure she wasn’t going to either hyperventilate or make her chest hurt again, she washed her face. Walking out of the restroom, someone was leaning against the wall and pulled her another direction than to the stairs. 

 

Jiro was pulling her and not giving her room to fight back. “Let go.” Elliott jerked back, trying to get freed. 

 

Scuffing he glared back at her. Pinning her against the lockers. “Not going to happen. Why have you been ignoring me?” He demanded. She felt pinned and his body was too close to her own. “Elliott, I thought that we had a connection.” he stated, it was almost sweet and he pushed her hair back from her face. 

 

Shaking her head Elliott tried to clear her head. “It’s not that, it’s just…-”    
  
“So you do like me.” He smirked, going down to kiss her. 

 

Tilting her head forward, to avoid his lips, she pulled her arms up to push him back some. “It isn’t that either…-” She tried to talk her chest was hurting and it was hard to speak. 

 

Sharp pains started to go down her arms and tears formed in her eyes. “Then what? You were just playing with my head?!” He snapped banging on the lockers on either side of her head. “You can’t do that to someone!”    
  
“No! Stop.” She softly cried out. “I don’t know if I like you like that! I don’t want a relationship right now!” She cried, feeling trapped and everything was starting to get black around the edges. 

 

He refuse to move. No way he was going to get out of her bubble so she couldn’t calm down. She had only a few more moments before she couldn’t control what would happen. The pain in her chest got sharper. It felt like electricity going through the center of her chest, where her breast bone was. Placing a hand over it, she rubbed it as the electricity feeling seem to shoot down her arm and down her back.    
  
Her throat was starting to tighten and it was getting harder and harder to keep herself standing up. “MOVE!” A loud voice roar and then Jiro was pushed out of the way by someone that Elliott has met the other day.    
  
Feeling herself get picked up, Daitaro rushed her to the nurse’s office. There he placed her down and called for a teacher to sit with her. She kept asking for Makoto, he was the only thing that calmed her besides her babies. It pained her to talk, like talking with food going down the wrong tube, it came out slurred and choked like. 

 

Daitaro remembered that Makoto normally eats on the roof with the swim club. Rushing up the stairs he came up to the roof breathing hard. “Elliott, she… nurse office.” He breathed out of breath. He was in sports but he wasn’t used to running so much through the school. It was over twice to what he was used to since he had to run across school twice now. They all rushed back, him following them. 

 

Makoto and Kou were the first ones in the room. Ama-chan looked up to them. Elliott was curled up in a ball whimpering. The pains weren’t going away. She couldn’t calm herself. Someone was in her bubble and wouldn’t leave. She felt her body was nearly completely being electrocuted. She could smell burning rubber and taste something bitter and dry in her mouth. 

 

“Elli?” Makoto called, earning Elliott to whimper. Moving carefully he got down to feel her forehead. She was sweating bullets and shivering. Her skin was freezing cold. “Elli, what’s wrong?” He hummed. 

 

Shifting closer to him, Elliott threw her arms around his neck and buried her face into his warm shoulder. Soft sniffles and whimpers left her. He didn’t know what to do, so he pushed her hair back and softly rocked her.    
  
The other boys took Daitaro outside. “I remember you from track.” Rei stated, watching the other boy. “You were in football right? Not the track team.”    
  
“Correct.” Daitaro answered, eyes going back to where Kou and Makoto was trying to get Elliott calm. 

 

“What happened?” It was Haru who spoke up, he was worried but not for the girl. He was worried for his friend, who was right now letting the girl cling to him. 

 

Taking a breath, Daitaro didn’t know where to start. “She was pinned to the lockers by Aburaya,” Daitaro stated. “I heard her to tell him to move and stop but he wouldn’t and it looked like she was about to blackout when I stepped in. I pushed him out of the way and brought her straight here. She kept saying Makoto and it was Ama-chan who told me who I was looking for. Knew your club tends to eat on the roof together.” Daitaro recalled, eyes kept going back to the girl in the room. “What’s wrong with her?” He wondered out loud. 

 

“Not sure.” Rei answered, pushing his glasses up. “If I have to guess it looks like she had an extreme panic attack and forgot to breathe.” He guessed. 

 

Makoto eventually migrated into the bed to have Elliott in it properly. She had calmed down but refuse to let him go. She though did motion for Kou to come closer. The three stayed curled up together on the bed, talking in low tones. Elliott was worn out now, and just wanted to sleep.    
  
“You need to eat something, even if it is something small.” Ama-chan stated, looking at Elliott with a stern look that didn’t seem to fit Ama-chan at all. 

 

Taking a deep breath, Makoto then admitted he brought lunch for her. If she can’t eat the meats she can just have the rice, which she was thankful for. The group then got their lunches set up around the nurse office. Makoto made sure Elliott ate as much as she could of the food. Ama-chan left saying she was going to call Elliott’s guardian. 

 

Looking up to the ceiling she groaned softly. “What’s wrong, Elli?” Kou asked generally worried. 

 

A glance from corner of the eye, Elliott answered. “She’s going to be angry at me.” Elliott’s voice was low but everyone heard it. “I screwed up again.” She then felt Makoto pulled her closer to his side. It calmed her some. Closing her eyes, she just enjoy the warmth and comfort that he brought with him. 


	4. Drowning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N IMPORTANT: This is meant to be a therapy type of thing. I have been through a lot of trauma in my life and I need a way to express it, to see it wasn’t my fault. My counselor suggests placing one of the darling characters that I just adore into similar or same situations I have gone through. Upon seeing/reading it happen to them, then maybe I wouldn’t hate myself so much and “know it wasn’t your fault” and there was “nothing you could have done” to fix the situation. I can’t put any official characters into the same shoes as me, but I can use one of my favorite OCs to write. So I am. Warning, this has a lot of triggers. MAINLY ABUSE OF ALL KINDS.

**All the king's horses and all the king's men** **  
** **Couldn't put me back together again**

 

_ Laying with her head on the pillow, the two girls giggled and talked in low tones. They looked to be about ten years apart in ages. Looking a lot alike, with similar sandy brown hair, one was redder than the other, and the older had dark hazel-brown eyes while younger was hazel-amber like.  _

 

_ “We should get up and get ready.” The older stated, softly nudging the younger. “Today is the day we do family day. We haven’t done that since they got a divorce.” She mused the last part.  _

 

_ The two shared a mother but had different fathers. The older was speaking of her adopted father, rather than her biological one. The younger’s father had taken in both of the other man’s daughters, making sure there were only the steps leading out the front door in their home. No one was less important than the others. That was the family motto if only their mother’s family understood. It seemed like they didn’t for the younger of both pairs was isolated and treated like they were mistakes and then their mother went and adopted another, older, girl to keep her close to her sickly mother.  _

 

_ The sixteen-year-old and eight-year-old giggle more, just as another sixteen year old came in. The second sixteen-year-old has long dark brown hair and gray-blue eyes that seemed to pop out like a 3D picture to the youngest of the trio. “Jamie, Elli, come on, they are packing everything up.” She motioned to the door behind her.  _

 

_ The two sisters, giggled again, as they crawled out of the bed and changed quickly. Grabbing flip-flops running out the front of the door, the adopted sister locked it and turned to the beaten up jeep they were riding in. It was one of those metal ones that you could put flaps up to make it a ‘proper vehicle’ or leave it opened to the wind and nature.  _

 

_ With the day the family had planned ahead, they decided to leave the flaps off, letting the wind blow their hair everywhere. The driver, the stepfather, being bald didn’t have to worry about the hair issue in his eyes. Elliott crawled into the back of the jeep with another about her age. “This is stupid.” The other one stated, glaring in direction of the woman in front of her.  _ __   
  


_ Jamie rolled her eyes, crawling into the far back letting the other sixteen-year-old have the third spot in the back seat. Squishing Elliott in the middle. Jamie props her feet on the icebox that was in the back with her. “Headcount!” Their mother called back,  with a small smirk on her lips.  _

 

_ “One!” Jamie called, waving her hands in the air like a blow machine person.  _

 

_ The second sixteen-year-old snorted. “Second.” She stated, rolling her gray-blue eyes and looked to the person on the other side of Elliott who hasn’t spoken yet. “Laurie, you know the drill.”  _

 

_ “Don’t call me that, it’s Laurence and three. Happy?” She snapped, back to the adopted one.  _

 

_ “Mako, Laurence is being mean to Vivi again!” Elliott whined, making the woman in front seat sighed.  _

 

_ “Four, five.” Their mother counted, pointing at Elliott then herself. Then motioning to the man next to her. “Six. All here, all counted for. Let us go!” She cheered, ignoring the sour puss in the back seat.  _

 

_ Vivian leaned back to speak to Jamie in hushed voices as much as she could be hushed. The loud wind made it hard for everyone to hear. “Why does she call Yoko Mako?” Vivian wondered, with confusion. “Shouldn’t it be Mom or something? Or the Japanese version of mom at least?” She really didn’t understand the youngest that she has just met about a week before.  _

 

_ Laughter came out of Jamie, her hair flying out the back and sunglasses pushed up. “She misheard her mom’s name being called when little she just adapted it. Ma goes with it.” Jamie explained, in laughter.  _

 

_ About fifteen-minute drive on the highway and a few back roads that made beautiful scenery, Elliott was bouncing in her seat. “I never went swimming in a lake! Only pools!” She stated, happily.  _

 

_ “Or ocean.” Jamie added, just as they started to pass a row of trees. Through them they could barely start to make out the lake they were going to. It was sparkling water, and then they noticed that farther they got the trees thinned out. “Almost there.” Jamie breathed out, with a smirk.  _

 

_ They took a turn, off of the tall hill and keep going that way would have hit mountains, they got to the blacktop, easing into a parking place farthest away from the other cars. The girls all jumped out and started to unload stuff that Jamie was sitting on or hidden below the seats.  _

 

_ Going down the hill that was covered in the spiky balls that Elliott whined about. They hurt even through her flip flops. “We are almost there then you will be in the sand.” Her mother mused, walking pass with some of the paper dishes and drinks.  _ __   
  


_ At the table, their stepfather started the grill and the girls all shed their over layers of clothes and ran to the water. Jumping off the concrete uplift into the sand, Elliott laughed. Her sisters were on her tail.  _ __   
_   
_ __ Vivian and Jamie tend to stay in the shallow end where Elliott was. The few times she went into the deeper ends, Jamie stayed close to her. Laurence groaned and complained about their mother calling her back in when she got farther and farther out. 

 

_ When their stepfather dubbed the food ready, they placed a metal lid over them to prevent bugs or creatures getting into them and the girls came up to the land. Given germ-x and told to sit down at the table, they wrapped up loosely in towels, waiting for the two adults to sit down.  _

 

_ Upon the adults setting up the drinks. Their stepfather added something that Elliott made a gagging noise to his drink. Jamie and Vivian both scowled at the man who shrugged his shoulders before swallowing the nasty smelling drink. Elliott just looked to her older sisters that were there. One sister wasn’t since she didn’t live with their mother and didn’t want to go.  _

 

_ “You know…-” Jamie decided to distract her younger sisters, including adopted one, she gave the youngest a big grin. “After we finish eating I’ll help teach you a new stroke. Vivian is really good at them. She is an amazing teacher.” Jamie stretched, spreading her hands out flat in front of her. Then she motioned at Vivian like she was doing a small almost disco-like dance.  _

 

_ The eight and ten-year-old couldn’t help the snickers that left them. One was more willing to laugh at the eldest’s antics than the other. Vivian rolled her eyes and then nodded her head at the youngest. “I would love to. It is called the butterfly stroke.” _ __   
  


_ Looking up at the darker haired one confused, Elliott was curious now. “Why is it called that?” She wondered.  _ __   
  


_ “It looks like a butterfly flying, and the ripples of the water form butterfly wings, or at least that’s what I think,” Vivian explained, laughing with Elliott did a handshape that looked similar to a butterfly. She acts like it was flying around her food making ‘oh’ and ‘ah’ noises.  _

 

_ Their mother laughed, taking a bite of her food. When finished, and waited a little bit, the two eldest lead the youngest out to the water again. The man that they were with was drinking right out of the container of his smelly drink watching them. “You know, I’m going to swim too,” he stated, standing up.  _

_   
_ _ Swaying some, his wife frown. “Don’t you think you should sober up some?” She wondered, glaring at her newest husband’s back. He wasn’t any of these kids father, leaving Laurance and Elliott’s father for him.  _

 

_ “I’m fine. I’m just tipsy, not drunk.” He grunted, walking to the water that the girls were splashing in.  _

 

_ Getting into a deeper area, Elliott was placed on her belly with one of the two teenagers on each side of her. “Now push your arms under and then pull them up from your waist, and pushed them down in front of you. Almost like a cross of windmill exercise and doggy paddle.” Vivian explained, the two let go of her, letting her try on her own.  _

 

_ The strokes were messy and making the girl freak out when she couldn’t figure out how to get air correctly. Coughing and glaring at the water, she took a break in the shallow end. The two elder were playing in the deeper area. The man was then playing some dunking game. Elliott swam out as far as she could that would let her feet be able to touch the bottom and face stay above water. “Can I play too?” She asked.  _

 

_ The older two girls looked to each other worried. The ten-year-old stated that if she could play then Elliott should be able to. “But she’s not a good swimmer yet. She hasn’t been around waterfronts as much as you.” Jamie reason.  _

 

_ “She will be fine.” The man stated, motioning her to move forward.  _

 

_ The first to dunk her playfully was Jamie and she only went under for about thirty seconds. Coming up for air, Elliott laughed. They kept it up till Elliott's head to get something to drink. Swimming back to the water, and not expecting it. Her stepfather swam behind her. She was looking for Jamie and Vivian who were out of sight.  _

 

_ Getting to where she was when she left to get a drink, she couldn’t feel the sand under her feet as she floated, looking around. Feet were softly kicking under her and hands wadding on top.  _

 

_ Then she felt two strong rough hands on her shoulders. Pushing her below the surface unexpecting. A noise of fear left her lips, not able to pull air in or hold her breath, she went under. Closing her mouth as fast as she could, she retained as much air as she could.  _

_   
_ _ Splashing trying to get to the surface, she could see the bubbles leaving her, her feet being held to the ground under the water. Eyes casting up, she could see a blurred figure of a bald man. Trying to shake him off of her, she wasn’t sure how long she was under before everything starts to turn black on edges of her eyes. The air in her was begging to be released and to have new air to refill her lungs. It was starting to hurt, almost a burning sensation.  _

 

_ Feeling burning, but everything was black. The burning, it took her a second to realize, it was in her lungs. Everything felt like it was going in slow motion, drifting in space type of feeling. She didn’t know how else she could describe it.  _

 

_ She doesn’t remember what happened next. What she does remember is laying on the itchy sand and her elder sisters were all gathered around her. “Are you okay? Elliott, say something please.” Vivian who was sitting on the other side of Jamie begged. Their soggy hair was dripping down and water fell onto Elliott’s face.  _

 

_ “What happened?” Elliott coughed. Her voice was rough. Coughing, Jamie and Vivian helped her go onto her hands and knees, coughing out water.  _

 

_ Jamie pulled her up and into her arms tightly. “You were a dumbass and got drowned!” Laurence screamed, tears on edges of her eyes, or maybe it was just water from swimming. “Do you know how scared everyone was?”  _

 

_ “I’m sorry.” Elliott squeaked, hiding into Jamie’s embrace.  _

 

_ Jamie growled at her younger sister, holding Elliott closer to herself. “It wasn’t her fault! We all should have been watching her more carefully.” Jamie snapped to Laurence who had Elliott crying. Elliott thought she did something wrong but didn’t know what.  _

 

_ “We are just happy that Elliott is fine. If Jamie didn’t notice that the asshole didn’t let his hands off of Elliott’s shoulders then it could have been way worst.” Vivian decided to mediate.  _

 

Tears burned in Elliott’s eyes as she jerked awake. The sensation of drowning was still on her. She could almost see the bubbles escaping her and feel the burning entering her lungs. Easing to her nightstand, she pulled her bottle of water off and took a swing of it. “Stupid nightmares.” She mumbled to no one. 

 

The roughness in her voice almost sounded how it did when she got done coughing up all the lake water before. Getting up slowly, her whole body hurt. It felt like she was running for miles and stretching just the right way made her back pop as did her neck and rest of her sore joints. 

 

Heading to the bathroom, she got ready for the day. Against her wishes, they still called her grandmother who sent her uncle to come to pick her up. On the way home, he would randomly throw out comments about her faking it for attention. She didn’t know how to reply to it so she didn’t. She felt too weak to reply to it. 

 

Instead of sending her back to school the next day, they let her stay home for two days in a row to rest. Getting up and ready for the day, she went down to see her aunt and grandmother in the kitchen. “You gave me a scare.” Her aunt stated, giving her a warm smile. 

 

“She was faking it.” The older woman snorted, making the girl feel a pain in her chest. It wasn’t one from her anxiety but one of hurt that her grandmother would think so poorly of her. 

 

The woman scowled at her mother. “I don’t believe Elliott can fake something like blacking out. I am hoping it just sugar dropping since the hospital sent her home with a bill of health, besides her ears anyway.” Her aunt defended her. 

 

That made a small smile cross Elliott’s lips in thanks to her aunt. Getting her cup of coffee, she drank it while the two women talked more. Elliott was going to walk to school with her cousin who was going to take the train to her own school. Partway heading to the school they pass the train station so it worked out. 

 

Speaking of her cousin, loud banging could be heard from upstairs as the other girl came downstairs. “I don’t get why we have to be here!” The girl huffed, her dark eyes glared in Elliott’s direction. “It doesn’t make sense. I have to take the train, Obaa-chan! It shouldn’t be anywhere near that filthy thing!” She whined, glaring again at her cousin who shrank back. 

 

Elliott hated that she has to deal with this for two days. “Stop being overdramatic, Naoko.” Her mother ordered, giving the teenager before her a glare till she backed down. 

 

“It’s not my fault that Elliott is…” she hesitant with her mumbling knowing her mother could hear her and didn’t know the other teenager was reading her lips. “Problematic.” She chose her words carefully to not make her mother blow up at her. Elliott could hear her aunt scolding Naoko many times over past two days for insulting Elliott. It wasn’t her fault she was born legally-deaf and someone diagnosed her as Autistic instead of noticing she was hard of hearing. She could hear some when she was little, but not much. It is why she spoke so strange and why everyone always treated her differently. 

 

Finishing her coffee, Elliott cleaned the cup and then started to grab her things. “Come along, Makoto should be heading this way soon,” Elliott stated, kissing her aunt on the cheek and hugging her grandmother who seemed to soak up the positive attention though hated who was giving it to her. 

 

Walking out the door, the other teen followed, placing their shoes on and stepping into the sunlight, Elliott waved at Makoto as he approaches. The day before he came over with what she has missed and they study together. Her cousin wouldn’t stop talking to him and trying to get his attention. 

 

Makoto was respectful as always, but Elliott hated that the other was disturbing them. She isn’t sure why she felt so protective of Makoto, though she never liked the way Naoko treated her. Naoko believed she was better than everyone else and always made sure Elliott knew that she and Laurence were their grandmother’s favorites. It was something Elliott didn’t need to be reminded.

 

Walking down the street to the steps, Makoto greeted the kitten and then kept walking. Naoko wouldn’t let Elliott get one word out, just rambling into Makoto’s ear about how she wanted to try out for their swim club but she was told she couldn’t join because she was a girl. He stated that was ashamed. They started to talk about the closed down swimming club for the city. The building was perfect for all of them to practice swimming in. 

 

“Well mostly everyone.” She added, eyes glancing to Elliott.    
  


Freezing in mid-step, Elliott slipped up and started to fall forward. Warm arms wrapped around her waist, preventing her from hitting the ground face first. “You okay, Elli?” Makoto was worried about her now. 

 

“Oh, you didn’t tell them? I’m sorry, I thought you would have by now.” Naoko gasped, hiding a small smirk behind her hand that went over her mouth trying to be shocked and ashamed she let something slipped. 

 

Glaring at her cousin, Elliott growled between her teeth. “There is a lot I haven’t told them.” She then started to walk away, walking past Haru’s house. 

 

Makoto went running after her, then dragged her into Haru’s house with him. He told Naoko she wasn’t allowed in since Haru doesn’t know her. Once inside Haru looked at them from the kitchen confused. “What haven’t you told us? Why were you so angry?” He wondered, making Haru walk to them with his food.    
  
“I…-” Elliott looked to Haru before away from him and back at Makoto. “I don’t swim.” She affirmed placing her hands on her upper arms. She could almost feel the room temperature drop from the shock expression they are giving her. “I was drowned when I was younger, and since then I can’t get near water. It triggers me into feeling like I’m drowning again. Doesn’t help that now every time I have panic attacks it mimics drowning or strangling.” She added the last part, ratting herself out. 

 

“You were drowned when you were younger?” Makoto was processing this when the last part seems to hit him. “Strangled?” 

 

Biting her lip, she looked away from both of them. “Don’t worry about that. It doesn't matter.” She then started to walk to the door. 

 

“It does.” It was Haru who spoke making her freeze. 

 

Taking a deep breath, Makoto spoke then for both of them. “You need someone to listen to you, and so it does matter. Why would someone try to strangle you?” He was worried, and it seeps off of his voice. 

 

Shaking her head, she gave them both a weak smile. Closing her eyes to hide the sadness. “I like you both, so I don’t want to cover up everything… but you aren’t ready to know about that yet.” She breathed out before she was pulled back. 

 

Face hitting a warm chest and strong arms wrapped around her shoulders keeping her secured in the warmth. The smell of soap and something that tangy like oranges seemed to seep into her making her relax into the warmth. “Makoto.” She softly gasped, gripping onto his uniform blazer. 

 

Tucking his face into her hair, he just held her close calming her down. “I know you don’t like being touch or trapped, but… you look so sad.” He explained, softly. 

 

Her arms slowly snaked around his waist, tears in her eyes that she tried not to let them escape. “Thank you…-” She breathed out, then looked to Haru who finished his breakfast and was walking to them with his bag over his shoulder. 

 

“Ready?” Makoto asked, looking to his longtime friend before letting go of Elliott. 

 

She took a step back, wiping at her eyes and giving him a genuine smile this time. Haru nod and the duo went out the door, Haru closed it behind himself. Naoko seemed to be getting annoyed that Haru still refuses to acknowledge her or allow her into his home, yet Elliott was allowed. For the past two days, she’s been walking with them to the train station while they head to school. 

 

Like the previous days, Naoko was completely ignored, while Elliott and Makoto seemed to be acknowledged by Haru. “So anything interesting I missed besides Mr. Water missing his love?” Elliott wondered, softly elbowing Haru who gave her a half-hearted glare. 

 

Haru softly elbowed her back as Makoto caught her up with the small things he could remember. Jin apparently has been trying to hang out with the Swim Club at lunch, but Kou and Nagisa have been chasing her away. “I’ll need to talk to them about that,” Elliott stated, with a small frown. 

 

At the train station, Elliott felt relieved when Naoko had to leave them. Makoto softly nudges her making her look up to him. He gave her a soft smile that melted her stress and anxiety away. Linking her arm with his, her head rested on it. Makoto felt a blush rush up his face before Haru raised an eyebrow at him. “We should go before we are late,” Makoto stated, making her let his arm go. 

 

Rushing to the school, they got there just before the bell rang. Ama-chan gave the trio a small smile as they went to their seats. “Morning class.”    
  
“Morning.” Everyone greeted back. 

 

“Glad you are back,” Jin stated, with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. 

 

“I am too,” Elliott stated, figuring it was just the strangeness of vanishing for two and a half days. 

 

The day went on almost like a normal one. By lunch, Elliott went with Haru and Makoto up to the roof for lunch. The ones who joined them on the stairs was no other than Nagisa and Rei. Not far behind them was Diataro. Upstairs they saw Kou with her friends then waved at the club. 

 

Daitaro motioned to a big box he brought and the others started to set everything up. Seems like they all planned to bring enough for everyone to share. Elliott sat down just as the doors opened again. 

 

The female that was approaching with two other froze when Kou stood up. “What are you doing here?” Kou asked, her voice held venom that made Elliott shutter. 

 

Turning to face the voice that Kou was speaking to, Elliott was shocked. “I am sorry, Gou-kun but I am here to speak to Elliott-chan.” The one that was speaking to Kou so cruelly, even calling her by the name she hates with the more masculine honorific, was no other than Jin. 

 

Getting up, against Nagisa trying to prevent her from walking to Jin, Elliott looked between her first female friend in class and the club. “Jin-chan, please be kinder to Kou-chan. What is it you need?” She asked, trying to be neutral and fair. 

 

Jin rolled her eyes before snarling at her. “You are supposed to have lunch with me.” She stated, before looking to her friends, one of which was the one that makes Elliott extremely uncomfortable to be around. “What are you doing up here anyway?” She then looked to Makoto then back at her in a pointed way. 

 

Letting out a breath, Elliott spoke what was on her mind. “I am eating lunch with my other friends, you didn’t tell me that you wanted me to eat lunch with you.” Elliott defended herself, as much as she could. 

 

The girl scoffed before storming away angry now. “Elli, are you friends with her?” Nagisa wondered, moving closer to her. 

 

A deep breath before Elliott nodded her head. “I heard you two have been mean to her, so her being so upset is understandable.” Elliott defended Jin too. Not just them or herself. 

 

Kou looked disgusted. “She is rude, cruel, and needs to stop controlling people,” Kou stated, Nagisa nodding his head in agreement. 

 

That made Elliott raise an eyebrow. “You speak as you know from experience.” Makoto was the one who spoke up this time. 

 

Elliott was looking between them then to Kou and Nagisa who were looking at each other then Daitaro spoke up. “I can speak from experience as her ex-boyfriend.” Which made everyone’s heads shoot to him. “What? I was fifteen and stupid.” He defends himself. 


	5. Pants on Fire

**All the king's horses and all the king's men** **  
** **Couldn't put me back together again**

 

Walking to the front of the school Jin chased Elliott down. The guys were getting ready to go to the swim club meeting. Stopping to look at her, Jin was furious. “How dare you talk to me like that? What is your problem? I thought we were friends.” She growled out the last part, tears forming in her eyes. 

 

Feeling the regret of the way she treated Jin she took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, but you didn’t ask and some of the group didn’t feel comfortable around you. Plus Daitaro brought me food today so I couldn’t abandon them unless I didn’t want to eat.” Elliott defended herself, not telling her the full truth. 

 

“Daitaro is an abuser. He will lie to you to manipulate the situation into what he sees fit. You really shouldn’t be around him. Plus the way you were around Makoto and Daitaro… Jiro was really jealous. He really likes you, Elliott, you should consider dating him.” That made Elliott flinch which the other didn’t notice or chose to ignore it. 

 

Not only the new information she was given, but also the memory of Jiro trapping her against the wall. The memories of drowning filling her mind. Taking a deep breath, Elliott looked to the sky to calm down before directing her self back to the girl before her. “I heard a rumor I want to know if it is true or not,” Elliott commented. 

 

“Don’t change the subject.” Jin snapped, scowling at Elliott, like a disappointed mother. 

 

Rolling her eyes, Elliott wanted to slap her. “I am not. This has to do with Jiro, and you.” She explained. “It would contribute to if I want to date him which as I told him and I am telling you now… I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about any of this yet, so don’t pressure me.” Jin held her chest in shock and then motioned for Elliott to go on with the rumor she wanted to know about. “The rumor was that you and Jiro aren’t really cousins. That you two even date.” 

 

That made Jin flinch and regret filled her face expression. It was too real to be forced or faked, which made Elliott curious about what happened. “We are cousins, but not by blood. His father married my aunt.” She explained. “We did date before they got married, then afterward we broke up. I started to date Daitaro who didn’t understand how I went from dating Jiro to dating him in no time and why Jiro and I were still being super friendly.” She sounded so sincere that Elliott didn’t believe she was lying. 

 

Elliott said that she’d talk to her later, but she had to go. Leaving the girl, instead of going straight home, she stopped at the pool first. It was warm enough that they could swim in it and getting to it, her whole body felt strange. It then flashed to the lake, of her being held under water.    
  


Shaking her head clear, it was Haru who noticed her first. “Makoto.” He called, making the taller look to him and then in direction of the young woman who looks like she was about to be sick. 

 

Makoto was already in his swimsuit heading to the water, not there yet. When Elliott's eyes were blocked from the water by the body, they slowly went up the figure. Long well-toned legs with green stripes going up the suit to his strong tone waist that had a v-line showing. Eyes going up to whom stand there, her eyes seemed to wander to the abs and how perfect his skin seemed to be. Green droopy eyes giving her a concerned look making her face heat up. “I… I’m sorry.” She bowed, realizing she was ogling him. 

 

Reaching forward, his hand brushed her cheek in a soft motion to make Elliott look up to him. “Would you like to stay during our practice? I will speak to Stone-sama when we walk home.” He suggested. Seeing Kou biting her lip bouncing on her heels she seemed to be excited over something. Something Elliott was sure she was going to hear about. 

 

Walking to where Makoto motioned. She was clear of the water by a good bit and he gave her another warm smile before he put his goggles on. Looking to Kou who’s eyes were lit up that was till she looked past Elliott to the two females standing on the other side of the gate.    
  
“Chi-chan!” Gou waved. Elliott turned to see the girl she has seen but never officially met. Her brown hair was in a high and very neat bun being held with a beautiful rose like a pink barrette. Her pale skin compliments her blue-green eyes as she glared in Elliott’s direction for a fleet moment. “Chi-chan, I don’t think you met Elli yet.” That nickname seemed to spread like wildfire which Elliott didn’t seem to mind. “Elli, this is Hanamura Chigusa. She is in the same grade as me.” She explained motioning to the beautiful young woman who was walking to them.    
  
She gave a sharp look to Elliott and that made Elliott want to sink away. That is till she noticed the second female that was still outside of the gate. “Jin...-” Elliott mumbled at seeing the young woman who sent daggers in Elliott’s direction.    
  
Turning to face the pool, which made Elliott feel sick again, she decided to look in direction of Kou instead. “Hello.” Elliott slipped in English by accident and then started to fidget with the edge of her blazer. She kept the sleeves over the bruises on her wrists and the feeling of not belonging. She felt guilty for what happened but what was she supposed to do? It wasn’t like she swore not to be friends with the swim team to Jin. This other girl she had no information on and made her nervous. 

 

“Only friends allow to call me Chi-chan. I don’t know you so please call me either Hanamura-chan or Chigusa-chan.” She stated, with a bite in her voice. 

 

Elliott gave her a hard look as she could taking a deep breath. “Please call me Elliott. I am not used to honorifics so I am not used to being called Chan, Senpai, or anything like that.” Elliott stated, as hard as she could muster.    
  
Gou stiffens her back at seeing them interact and a worry enters her eyes at the tones of the two before her. Turning away from the new girl, Elliott walked to a dry area that was where she could sit and not see the pool’s water. Whenever Makoto was taking a break he would help her with her Japanese and she would correct his English when he tried to say something to her in a way she could understand the meaning of something. 

 

She really didn’t care if he got water on her notes as long as she could still read them to rewrite. Leaning over to him when he was done swimming. Most of them were. He had dried off but not changed yet. Elliott just fell sideways and her head landed on his shoulder. “You okay, Elli?” Nagisa asked, popping over to them. Even Rei had seemed to get done scowling at something that Nagisa said to notice how she was reacting to everything.    
  
Nodding her head, she gave them a soft smile. “I am just a little bit tired, nothing to worry about.” She half lied. She was tired but it wasn’t a little bit. It wasn’t physical sleepy tired either. It was emotionally drained from socializing. 

 

Makoto just sat there watching her. When she finally seemed done with her work, putting it up she stopped at her phone beeping. Reaching over and thumb flipping it opened. Another picture this one was of a girl holding the pointed ear dog and the old one was laying on a bed across a dirty blonde that was asleep on the bed.    
  
The picture was taken by Anthony she is sure. A giggle escaped her before she replied back quickly. “Who are they? Cute puppies too!” Nagisa asked and cooed right into Elliott’s ear making her jump. Looking over her shoulder she noticed all three of the boys and Gou were all looking over her shoulders.    
  
“The boy asleep with old dog on his chest is my friend Teamon. The dog on him is Onyx. The girl with the pointed ear one is Kati and she’s holding my baby boy Buster.” Then another message and this one was a selfie with the dark skin man hold the bigger of the three dogs in one arm and she had her paws propped on his shoulder. He was sticking his tongue out at the camera while the dog looked confused about what is going on. “That is Anthony and Princess.” She laughed that one out. “My poor babies are probably confused.” She stated which made them all make confused looks. “The dogs, they are mine. My friends are watching them till I can get them here… or I am forced back.” She added the last part in a mumble to herself.    
  
Makoto heard her and was curious, but he wasn’t going to ask in fear of accidentally pushing her to talk about something she didn’t seem to want to. Part of him knew she wanted to a little, but in a way, she also seemed hesitant with the others around. The next ding from her phone made her flip it open to see Kati flipping off Anthony’s computer screen which made Elliott start in on a giggling fit. The text under it read that Kati needed some backup with their online people. Makoto and the others saw the hand symbol and then confused by the gesture that is universal knowledge of what means, but why was she doing it was had them confused. 

 

Texting back a simple she got it and he sends another selfie this time flopped and pretending to be dead in his computer chair and two of her three dogs in his lap Kati sitting on edge of the desk with a pout on the desk next to him. That made her giggle. Her eyes then went to his hand that was free which had a simple hand sign that they all knew. One of the things he did when he realized she wasn’t Autistic, but rather deaf. He went out and learned sign language and taught her and Kati it. 

 

Small smile she zoomed in on his hand that was next to her precious Onyx’s head. “Adore.” She mumbled happily.    
  
“What?” It was Chigusa who was confused now. “What did you just say?” She asked tilting her head. 

 

Speaking in Japanese, not even noticing she switched to English she said the word again. Motioning to his hand that was off to the side. “Adore. The cross fingers it is our sign for ‘adore’ since the I love you sign is so commonly known.” She explained. 

 

That made her look from the guy to her then back again. “Is he your boyfriend?” Gou asked, looking disappointed for a moment till Elliott started to laugh. Falling backward, ending more on Makoto which made a sharp look leave Chigusa at Elliott. “What’s funny?” Gou wonders starting to get offended.    
  
“He isn’t my boyfriend. One of my best friends. Almost like a big brother to me.” She explained, not realizing how comfortable she felt leaning onto Makoto till Nagisa jumped on other side making her lean on both of them. Feeling awkward at being so close to the tiny one that was still wet, she got up. “I’ll wait for you and Haru, but we should leave soon.” She stated, fixing her skirt, not even notice how ruffled it got till she did stand up.    
  
Makoto gave a simple nod before getting up to go to the showers and changing room. Haru grumbled, before getting out. Elliott couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped her lips at seeing how reluctant that Haru was at leaving the water. Gou told Chigusa goodbye as she said she had to leave too. Upon the other female leaving and sitting next to her while the boys got ready to go home, it has already been a few hours and it felt like almost no time had passed.    
  
“What is going on between you and Makoto?” She wondered, letting herself get comfortable by Elliott who was waiting for the boys to come out. 

  
Looking to her confused, a tilt of the head and eyebrows furrowed together, Elliott had no idea what she meant. “He’s my friend? Just as what I hope all of you are.” She added the last part softly. 

  
Watching Gou’s dark brown-amber eyes roll before giving her a pointed look. “I saw the way you were checking him out. I know they all look good with the muscles and all, but you didn’t seem to give the other three a second look or lingering look at all.” She stated, that made Elliott’s face heat up and Gou giggled, behind her hand. “So you do like him…-” It was a statement, not anything else that it could have been. 

 

“He’s handsome. They all are.”  Elliott commented, not noticing the first one out was listening to them talk. 

 

Giggling she shook her head at the young woman beside her. Gou was enjoying this. “But you didn’t look at the others like you looked at him.” Gou’s comment lingered in the air for a moment before Elliott took a sigh. “What’s going on?” She wondered, watching how Elliott fidged.

 

“I don’t know how I feel.” She finally answered. “I like him, yes. I think he is pleasing to the eye, yes. Though I am not ready for a relationship or anything like that. Besides I am sure he is interested in someone else.” Her last comment made Gou give her a confused look before Elliott motioned to where Haru’s bag is. “They are kinda inseparable. No way you miss the way he looks at him either.” Her voice was soft and small almost. 

 

That made Gou giggle before softly elbowing her. “I am sure you aren’t giving yourself enough credit.” She added before seeing blond and then bright curious eyes popped up before them. 

 

“What are you speaking about?” He asked making Elliott squeak in surprise. “Nagisa, you scared me!” Elliott fussed at him making him laughed. 

 

A sharp eye looking in the direction of the bag and figure out whom they were speaking of. Watching the girls laugh and entertain themselves while the other boys came out slowly. When Makoto and Haru came out Rei not far behind them, they were talking. “Elli, would you like to eat out with us?” Rei asked, seeing her still waiting for them all. “We all seemed to like that family restaurant from last week.” He added with a warm smile but seemed to be calculated too. 

 

Tilting her head down, she sighed before looking up at the boys. “Don’t think that is a good idea today.” She stated, before motioning to the gate. “We should probably go.” Her eyes went to where droopy green eyes seemed to be watching her with a warm smile before to the hard blue ones seemed to be judging her almost. 

 

Getting out of the gate, Elliott looked backward to the pool just to feel a warm hand touches her wrist before letting go just as quick as appeared. Looking to the one that touched her, Elliott reached out grabbing his wrist loosely till he moved it up to hold her own. Fingers kept folded over her own made her feel like a child holding an adult’s hand so she wouldn’t get lost. A squeeze of his hand gains her to give him a small smile and walk along. His hand slipped away at them walking to catch up with the group that seemed to be talking to each other. Three sets of eyes glancing back at them with the pair’s little moment. 

 

Catching up to the group, Elliott blends in not really wanting to talk but would when something was directed to her. At the train, the two boys and Gou bid their goodbyes and the three of them walked in mostly quiet. Every now and then she felt the warmth of Makoto’s hand brushing over her own. Haru leaving to go into his house through back door, the pair walked almost in silence till she felt his warm hand grasp her hand loosely. “You are cold.” He commented, stepping in front of her to hold her hands up in his warm ones. “Do you want my jacket to stay warm?” He started to slide it off but she shook her head quickly. 

 

“I’m fine, Makoto. You are worrying over nothing.” Her voice was weak almost and he gave her another worried look before they started to walk again.    
  
At Elliott’s home, he was invited in. “Would you like to eat dinner with us?” Her grandmother asked, aunt and her family finally leaving to go back to their own home. “Makoto-kun, you are so sweet to make sure Elliott comes home safely.” She cooed at the boy before shooting Elliott a hard look which made her look away ashamed. 

  
“I would love to eat with you.” He gave the woman a warm smile before motioning to his bag. “Mind if we work on homework for a while?”    
  
“Come on,” Elliott motioned to the stairs. He followed her up. Finishing her homework at the practice with his help, all she had to do was help him with his English but she was sure that wasn’t why he wanted to do homework there. Slowing to a stop outside of her sister’s highly decorated room, he gave the two doors confused looks before following into her plan one. 

 

Inside of her room, Elliott flopped down across her bed with her body stretched out till her back made a popping noise. “You okay?” He wondered, before sitting carefully down.    
  
Nodding her head, she was quiet for a moment before getting annoyed at her skirt. “I’ll be right back.” She commented, getting down to the dresser. Pulling out a change of clothes, sweatpants and baggy shirt, she disappeared into the bathroom to change. He chuckled softly before pulling out his homework.    
  


Finishing the work while she randomly made comments, he laughed at some of them. A few were more because of her weak Japanese. She wasn’t fluent but she was pretty good. Sometimes her words were off because of the wrong dialect but it was still close enough for them to figure out what she means.    
  
Getting done with work, the two ended up curling up together while an old tv set was playing a tv show that was more static than anything. Feeling relaxed, she started to doze off while next to him. When food was done the pair went downstairs laughing because of the show. Elliott has seen it before and he made a few comments about the English parts. She adored the childish cartoons from her childhood and found a way for them to play on her tv in her room. He doesn’t seem to know they were recorded many years ago and she just kept the recordings.    
  
Shifting in her spot while she ate with them, she on occasions felt Makoto accidentally bumping her. It wasn’t hard or anything but eating with her grandmother was quiet and every now and then the woman made cracks on how Makoto is always at the beck and call for his parents and helping with his two younger siblings. Then glaring at Elliott like she was gum on the bottom of her shoe.

 

Getting done with the dinner he bid his goodbye and Elliott walked him outside. Getting to the other side of the door, he looked up to the sky before downward at her. A simple call to his parents explained where he was and he didn’t know how late he would be. A look down at Elliott made him freeze for a moment. Leaning forward he placed his warm hands on her shoulders and went down her arms to her elbows. He then saw the bruises on her wrist that is normally hidden from the world by her blazer. “What happened?” He wondered, holding her hands up to look closely at the bruises that almost look like they came from metal cuffs. 

 

She felt like they did come from metal cuffs being too tight. They were from her rubberband habit. Looking away from him, her eyes seemed so far away. “It’s fine.” She commented, about to jerk her arms away from him but feeling his thumb start to softly rub the bruises. Not hard enough to cause pain but hard enough for her to feel the ghost of the touch. 

 

“It looks painful.” He commented before pulling her hands up to where he could place soft lips on the bruises. The warm lips hovered for a moment before he let go of both wrists. Heat rushing up Elliott’s face while huffing. “I’m sorry. I stepped over a line.” He apologized. 

 

Looking away from him, Elliott didn’t know how to reply. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” She stated, not knowing what else to say. 

 

Giving her a simple nod, he left with his bag over his shoulder.    
  
Walking back in, she tried to ignore the old woman screaming at her about how she should have warned that she was going to invite Makoto over. That confused Elliott since her grandmother invited him herself. All Makoto and her planned was him to walk her home and talk to her grandmother to lessen the blowback onto Elliott. 

 

Finally going up the stairs, she flopped down across the bed, then felt something that didn’t feel like her sheets. Sitting up to look back at the blazer that wasn’t her’s. It was much too big. Picking it up she let it engulfed her. It smelt like him and let her relax greatly. 

 

When she fell asleep that night, to her horror and fascination she had dreamed of Makoto holding her. He had no shirt on and not sure below the belt since there were covers over them. To her, it felt like she was naked with him holding her close. His warm breath going over the side of her face. Fingers sliding up and down with ghost touch of her side. When she has awoken with a jerk from the alarm going off. She noticed the jacket was still next to her. A blush dusting her face at the dream, that she didn’t know how to react to it all. 

 

“He isn’t into me.” She commented, rubbing her face. “He is too deeply involved with Haru.” Her voice was weak and almost broken. “Ugh, why is it when I need Anth the most is when I can’t get in touch with him easily?” She finally decided, before flopping backward for a few more minutes. 

 

Eventually, she knew she had to get up and face the world. Just annoyed at herself for getting a crush on another gay guy. Not like her last crush on gay guy worked out well… she snorted at that sarcasm that seemed to drip even in her thoughts. 

 

Up she goes with a shower and getting ready for the day. Walking out the door, she saw Makoto without his blazer, making her think he doesn’t have an extra one or figure out where he left his normal one. Holding up the one that stayed in bed with her without her realizing it he took it with gratitude. “Thank you.” He breathed out. “I was looking everywhere for that.” He gave a small grateful smile.    
  
Walking to Haru’s house, he had seemed to catch her many times glancing up at him. Curious, he wanted to ask, but she went around to the back of Haru’s house to knock on the door before he could speak up. Following her around, he sighed, before announcing them coming in.    
  
He went into the bathroom to get Haru out while she went to the kitchen starting up everything for Haru, to hurry him up a little. After Haru ate, he made sure to have an extra toast for Elliott, and that is when she just sighed. “I’m sorry if I am a bother to either of you.” She finally spoke one of the many things that are on her mind. 

 

Makoto started to protest saying she’s not a bother at all. Haru cut him off with a simple “It’s fine.” Which made Makoto puff out his cheeks and start to scold Haru in a way that seemed like Rei would to Nagisa for being improper.    
  


That made Elliott snort trying hold back the giggles that eventually came out. The two looked to her confused before Makoto started to giggle with her. Neither knew why they were giggling but the heavy statement seems light now. 

 

Finishing their breakfast, the trio went to head to school. Passing by the train they saw Nagisa and Rei getting off. Nagisa seemed to be annoying Rei who was trying to get to school on time. Upon seeing the group Nagisa tackled Elliott with a pout. “Rei-chan being mean!”    
  
“Don’t call him that.” She declared thumping Nagisa’s forehead. “It is kun. I don’t care if chan sounds better but he is masculine so use the more masculine one.” That made the three other boys look to her surprised. She has never been okay with anyone touching her or so boldly spoken before. 

 

Looking at them her face started to heat up. “So the real Elliott is starting to expose herself?” Gou asked, making her jump and squeak. Elliott looked to the boys who apparently have known Gou was there. Elliott didn’t hear or see her walk up. 

 

“I guess? I mean, I’m comfortable around you all, so depending on personalities, I know what to expect. Nagi here likes hugs and tackling people. Rei doesn’t like being touch but will accept handshakes or occasional hug. Haru doesn’t bother with any of that unless it is the only way he can get near water.” That one made Makoto and Nagisa snickered. Haru rolled his eyes. “You like hugs but don’t tend to overuse them like Nagi here.” She motions to the dirty blond who puffed his cheeks out. 

 

“What about Makoto?” Nagisa asked, waving his arms around. 

 

He was the only one she left out in their group. Looking to the tall sweet boy, she couldn’t stop the small smile on her lips. “He likes physical contact but he isn’t going to do so himself. He rather someone else approach him for it.” She finally decided on. 

 

The group seemed to share a look with each other, some looked uncomfortable others looked amazed. Haru just looked bored and started to walk away. Nagisa spoke up when they were following Haru to the school. “How did you know all of that?” He wondered, keeping pace with Elliott easy. She had decided to stay close to Gou instead of Makoto who was watching her curious too. 

 

With a shrug of her shoulders, she tried to figure out how to word it. “I tend to analyze people I am around to try to predict if they are people I can be around without being hurt. It has helped me to not get in as many dangerous situations I could have been put in.” She then took a deep breath seeing Jiro and Jin walking over to them then said looking at the team before the two got closer. “I am just happy to have friends like you all who are really you, not putting on a front.” 

 

Jiro was the one that spoke who got the groups attention. “May we borrow Elliott-chan?” Which made Rei’s eyebrow twitch. 

 

Before Elliott could say anything, he did. “She is a person so it isn’t borrowing her, it is you want to speak to her. If you do, please speak to her not act like she is an object.” Rei pushed his glasses up and glared in their direction. 

 

With a grateful smile, Elliott nodded her head happily. She knew there was a reason she liked him. He was all logical and hated when people seemed to treat others poorly. Taking a breath, Elliott then spoke carefully to prevent an argument. She knew Jin was mad at her and suspected that was why they were there. “If you have something to say, say it so we can go to class.” She demanded, reaching back gripping onto Gou’s wrist which made Gou notice she didn’t want to be left alone.    
  
The other boys noticed too, even Haru who was scowling in Jiro’s direction. “I will feel more comfortable if we spoke alone.” He commented, motioning to the side.    
  
Gou stepped up this time. “Well, you are stepping in while we are hanging out before school. We all should start heading to class and the longer you try to talk to her by pulling her away from us the longer it will be before any of us gets to class.” 

  
  


TBC


End file.
